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University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.5

University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. with this statement? v. 5
Many people opine that tertiary education should take the responsibility of encouraging their students to select a wide range of subjects as well as their own subjects. I completely agree with this viewpoint and I will elaborate on the reasons below. First and foremost, I would argue that studying many subjects in addition to their professional knowledge increase their overall knowledge efficiently. In other words, many subjects are correlated to each other. A particular good example here is the fact that I had to revise the geography while I was learning the “articles” in English. The reason for this is that I would not have gained sufficient knowledge if I had not had some basics in geography. Therefore, it is absolutely imperative for students to extend their learning style so as to achieve excellent academic results in the future. Secondly, I believe that students will be able to success in job prospects in the future by means of acquiring manifold subjects. To be more precise, if the student has a wide range of acquaintances from several subjects, he or she will have an opportunity of doing more than one work. For example, those who have certain knowledge on languages as well as laws of their country can work as a translator and lawyer. Moreover, it is also beneficial for learners not to face long-term unemployment later their life. In conclusion, as the two analyzed reasons above, I strongly support the assertion of giving encouragement to the student to learn more subjects as much as possible rather than just acquiring their own professions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that tertiary education should take the responsibility of encouraging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to select a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as well
as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint and I will elaborate on the reasons below.

First
and foremost, I would argue that studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in addition
to their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
increase their
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
efficiently
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are correlated
to each other. A particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example here is the fact that I had to revise the geography while I was learning the “articles” in English.
The reason for this is
that I would not have gained sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
if I had not had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basics in geography.
Therefore
, it is
absolutely
imperative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to extend their learning style
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
achieve excellent academic results in the future.

Secondly
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be able to success in job prospects in the future by means of acquiring manifold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. To be more precise, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has a wide range of acquaintances from several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, he or she will have an opportunity of doing more than one work.
For example
, those who have certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
on languages
as well
as laws of their country can work as a translator and lawyer.
Moreover
, it is
also
beneficial for learners not to face long-term unemployment later their life.

In conclusion
, as the two analyzed reasons above, I
strongly
support the assertion of giving encouragement to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to learn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as much as possible
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
acquiring their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
professions.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. with this statement? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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