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University should enroll equal numbers of male and female students in all subjects. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

University should enroll equal numbers of male and female students in all subjects. v. 1
It is argued that, both men and women should be given an equal number of seats in the university education. In my opinion, I completely agree that, females should get an equal share in each and every field of education, because women are equally talented as men and it is important to maintain gender equality in the society. To embark on, firstly, it has been observed that, most of the girls in the developing and under developed nations are secondary school drop outs and they are forced to get married after completion of their high school or tertiary education. Secondly, most of the parents are encouraging the boy child to attain higher studies by leaving behind their girl child because of high fees and less registrations for women in some fields such as aeronautical, mechanical and civil. For example, in India the ration of men and women in the engineering institutes is 75: 25. Furthermore, if only men go ahead in education, research, arts, history and women stay home, then no good can be done. The history suggests that men are dominant in numbers in science, arts, engineering, creativity and business sectors. But we cannot deny the contribution of Mother Teresa and Madam Merry Currie, who have devoted their whole life to the betterment of the world. It is true that if the competition is arranged regardless of gender, more male students will be ahead of women. But still, universities should accept an equal number of students for the betterment of the society and to empower women. To conclude, although universities enrol students based on their merits, it should also provide equal opportunities for both men and women. Universities should allocate fifty percent reservation for girls in each and every field of education to up bring gender equality in the society.
It
is argued
that, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
number of seats in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that, females should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
share in each and every field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
equally
talented as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to maintain gender equality in the society.

To embark on,
firstly
, it has
been observed
that, most of the girls in the developing and under developed nations are secondary school
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
drop outs
and they
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married after completion of their high school or tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Secondly
, most of the parents are encouraging the boy child to attain higher studies by leaving behind their girl child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high fees and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun registrations is countable.
less
registrations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields such as aeronautical, mechanical and civil.
For example
, in India the ration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the engineering institutes is 75: 25.

Furthermore
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
go ahead in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, research, arts, history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
stay home, then no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
can
be done
. The history suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are dominant in numbers in science, arts, engineering, creativity and business sectors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we cannot deny the contribution of Mother Teresa and Madam Merry
Possible spelling mistake found.
Currie
, who have devoted their whole life to the betterment of the world. It is true that if the competition
is arranged
regardless of gender, more male students will be ahead of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
still
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should accept an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
number of students for the betterment of the society and to empower women.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
enrol students based on their merits, it should
also
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
opportunities for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
should allocate fifty percent reservation for girls in each and every field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to up bring gender equality in the society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay University should enroll equal numbers of male and female students in all subjects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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