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Some people believe that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots. What is your opinion? v.12

Some people believe that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots. What is your opinion? v. 12
The recent development of technology has threatened certain types of occupations. Hence, some claim that in the near future almost all the jobs will be invaded by these machines. In my opinion, of course robots will play a significant role in the future, but they will not take over the whole job market. To begin with, each an every machine or robot has been designed and developed by human minds. Yes, it is true that these artificial creatures can do a lot of things. But, someone needs to program with correct instruction in order for them to operate. No machine can take their own decision because they are not capable of thinking. Therefore, there will always be vacancies for jobs that need intelligence. Moreover, these devices should be designed by someone, always those tasks are done by human beings. For instance, a robot can instruct to repair a car, yet it could not instruct to design a car. Because that needs a higher level of intelligence. Another common fact is that robots cannot process empathy. As a result, they would not be used as judges and doctors which need social skills. Nonetheless, certain categories of jobs will be taken over by these artificially intelligent machines. Most labour work do not need much of brain power. Those work only needs to repeat some actions. Hence, those types of work will be done by robots in the future. As a result, people should move away from works that only needs physical strength and learn the work require metal skills. To sum up, although some jobs are taken over by robots, these electronic and mechanical devices will not be able to take over the occupations that need empathy and higher intelligence levels.
The recent development of technology has threatened certain types of occupations.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that in the near future almost all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
be invaded
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. In my opinion,
of course
robots will play a significant role in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, each an every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
or robot has
been designed
and developed by human minds. Yes, it is true that these artificial creatures can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to program with correct instruction in order for them to operate. No
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
can take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not capable of thinking.
Therefore
, there will always be vacancies for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
intelligence.
Moreover
, these devices should
be designed
by someone, always those tasks
are done
by human beings.
For instance
, a robot can instruct to repair a car,
yet
it could not instruct to design a car.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
a higher level of intelligence. Another common fact is that robots cannot process empathy.
As a result
, they would not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as judges and doctors which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Nonetheless, certain categories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
by these
artificially
intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. Most
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
much of brain power. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to repeat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions.
Hence
, those types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
be done
by robots in the future.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from works that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
physical strength and learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
require metal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
by robots, these electronic and mechanical devices will not be able to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the occupations that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
empathy and higher intelligence levels.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots. What is your opinion? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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