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Universities should be concerned with educating people so that they have wide general knowledge and be able to consuder important matters from an informed view point and not simply prepare students for jobs required by society. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Universities should be concerned with educating people so that they have wide general knowledge and be able to consuder important matters from an informed view point and not simply prepare students for jobs required by society. v. 1
The argument whether university should be concerned about educating people to have wide general knowledge or not is widely debate, with many people claiming that university should not be concerned about educating people. Although, people make good decision, work effectively and independently as a result of knowledge. Ultimately, I think is better for university to be concerned about educating people with wide general knowledge. However, these notion merit serious consideration and I will explain why in this essay with pertinent argument and examples. There are myriad of argument in favor of my stance. The most conspicuous one is that people with wide general knowledge are able to quickly secure employment compare to those in a specific area of study. Moreover, another pivotal aspect of my argument is that having a wide general knowledge make job easier and more profitable unlike specializing in a specific field. For instance, underpinning the aforementioned, an empirical is that effective decision about the growth on an industry can be easily made without the presence of the general manager. In view of the argument outlined above, one can conclude that the benefit of university educating people with wide general knowledge should not be ignore. Nevertheless, the drawbacks of not educating people with wide general knowledge should not be overlooked either.
The
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argument
whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should
be concerned
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wide
general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
or not is
widely
debate, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claiming that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should not
be concerned
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision, work
effectively
and
independently
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
Ultimately
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to
be concerned
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wide
general knowledge.

However
,
Did you mean "this notion" or "these notions"?
these notion
merit serious consideration and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay with pertinent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
and examples. There are myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
in favor of my stance. The most conspicuous one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wide
general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
are able to
quickly
secure employment compare to those in a specific area of study.

Moreover
, another pivotal aspect of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wide
general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
job easier and more profitable unlike specializing in a specific field.
For instance
, underpinning the aforementioned,
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
an empirical
is that effective decision about the growth on an industry can be
easily
made without the presence of the general manager.

In view of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
outlined above, one can conclude that the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wide
general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
should not be
Consider using a past participle here: "ignored".
ignore
.
Nevertheless
, the drawbacks of not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wide
general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
should not
be overlooked
either.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should be concerned with educating people so that they have wide general knowledge and be able to consuder important matters from an informed view point and not simply prepare students for jobs required by society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
214 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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