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Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v.6

Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 6
Nowadays there are numerous of universities has myriad magnificent facilities. It is well known that universities must spend the same amount of their money to activities that related to sports as much as they spend it to libraries. I strongly believe that I have the same views with regard to the statement. To start with, as far as I am concerned myriad students in universities are more likely to have social events like sports. Moreover, not 100% students in college are always like to study, even though, they are in engineering or even science faculty they must have some amusement as well. Therefore, the headmaster must not focus merely on the quality of the library itself, but also on their sports activities. There was a survey conducted by the Ministry of Education in Indonesia to find out whether students in their university life are satisfied or not. The result is surprisingly amazing because many students are happy to study because they still have some sports activities. The next, there might be a chance for our college to be a representative place for a certain sport. In addition, those possibilities will be happen if our university often held friendly competition. For example; this year Sriwijaya University will be the representative place in a soccer competition, because this place often invites many schools or even colleges to engage in their competition. To recapitulate, the headmaster must have the capability to balance sports and educational activities in their institution.
Nowadays there are numerous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
has myriad magnificent facilities. It is well known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend the same amount of their money to activities that related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as much as they spend it to libraries. I
strongly
believe that I have the same views with regard to the statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, as far as I
am concerned
myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are more likely to have social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Moreover
, not 100%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in college are always like to study,
even though
, they are in engineering or even science faculty they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amusement
as well
.
Therefore
, the headmaster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not focus
merely
on the quality of the library itself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities. There was a survey conducted by the Ministry of Education in Indonesia to find out whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
life
are satisfied
or not. The result is
surprisingly
amazing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are happy to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.

The
next
, there might be a chance for our college to be a representative place for a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
In addition
, those possibilities will be
Consider using the past participle "happened"?
happen
if our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
held friendly competition.
For example
; this year
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sriwijaya
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
will be the representative place in a soccer competition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
invites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools or even colleges to engage in their competition.

To recapitulate, the headmaster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the capability to balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and educational activities in their institution.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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