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Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.10

Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. v. 10
Undoubtedly, a topic central to today’s debate has revolved around the question whether higher education should expend equal the same amount of money for sports facilities and libraries. Personally, in my viewpoints, I lean toward believing universities still have to give prominence to libraries and invest more allocation of funds in this field rather than sports activities since it has played a much more imperative role. On the one hand, there is no room for doubt that physical activities, especially sports, bring about many benefits for students. First and foremost, Doing exercise regularly via some sports like football, swimming, volleyball, . . . And so forth can help people to strengthen their fitness, ameliorate the resistance and flexibility, triggering a quick sense of reflex to adapt to new surroundings. In other words, pupils, through participating sports, can be likely to consolidate some vital skills such as time management, team-work, . . . Nevertheless, despite the fact that sports exert some positive effects on students, they still can be able to enhance their physical condition by many other methods without requiring excessive facilities such as jogging an acquire many relevant skills, as well. On the other hand, a library, generally, referring to a place storing, managing books, accommodating an ideal environment for studying, reading, gaining knowledge, has been regarded as the highest priority in every school, tertiary ones in particular. The first thing to note is that the majority of pupils have to attend libraries on a daily basis in order to complete their assignments, do extra-researches, improve the comprehension in every field which are considered as the foremost objectives of every student. Furthermore, universities not only need to focus on the reserve, the provision of books in libraries, but they also have to modernise and apply some cutting-edge devices, in accordance with the general tendency. In conclusion, on the basis of the above-mentioned arguments, although physical-based amusement is beneficial in some aspects for students, it is just an additional sector of every educational institution. Concomitantly, due to many indispensable and inevitable advantages, universities have to expend the largest part of funds on developing their libraries.
Undoubtedly
, a topic central to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s debate has revolved around
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question".
the question whether
higher education should expend equal the same amount of money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities and libraries.
Personally
, in my viewpoints, I lean toward believing universities
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give prominence to libraries and invest more allocation of funds in this field
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities since it has played a much more imperative role.

On the one hand, there is no room for doubt that physical activities,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
First
and foremost, Doing exercise
regularly
via
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like football, swimming, volleyball
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to strengthen their fitness, ameliorate the resistance and flexibility, triggering a quick sense of reflex to adapt to new surroundings.
In other words
, pupils, through participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, can be likely to consolidate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as time management, team-work
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Nevertheless
, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
exert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, they
still
can be able to enhance their physical condition by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other methods without requiring excessive facilities such as jogging
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'acquire' is correct. If 'acquire' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
as well
.

On the other hand
, a library,
generally
, referring to a place storing, managing books, accommodating an ideal environment for studying, reading, gaining knowledge, has
been regarded
as the highest priority in every school, tertiary ones
in particular
. The
first
thing to note is that the majority of pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attend libraries on a daily basis in order to complete their assignments, do extra-researches,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the comprehension in every field which
are considered
as the foremost objectives of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
Furthermore
, universities not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need to focus on the reserve, the provision of books in libraries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernise' is British English.
modernise
and apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cutting-edge devices, in accordance with the general tendency.

In conclusion
, on the basis of the above-mentioned arguments, although physical-based amusement is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an additional sector of every educational institution.
Concomitantly
, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
indispensable and inevitable advantages, universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
expend the largest part of funds on developing their libraries.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they allocate to their libraries. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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