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Universities should accept equal number of males and females in every subject. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Universities should accept equal number of males and females in every subject. v. 1
Now a day with feminism taking the court people agree that universities should accept enrolments of equal numbers of males and females in every subject. I on the other hand have a different opinion on this and do not align to the argument. In this essay I will lay down some supporting points to my argument along with certain examples. India is a huge country and in it resides about 1. 2 billion people. If we have to look into the male to female ratio, there are more males than females. Now if we have equal seats for men and women in every section in each institute, there will be men who will be left out from pursuing their dreams. For instance, Civil or Mechanical Engineering is a field which men are more interested in pursuing than women. Now, if given equal seats to both genders in such cases, some of the seats reserved for women will go vacant while for men it will be overcrowded. Moreover, I feel that admissions should be based on merit and not on gender. I also believe admits should not be gender based but it should be on the grounds of an individual's interest. It is important to value every persons dream and aspirations, not restrict them to the nature they were born with. For example, most of the girls are doing wonders in the field of space. Even in ISRO it was the women's team who made it possible to Mars in one go. Girls prefer computers as their brains work faster and are good with it. Now imagine if there were equal seats, would India be able to accomplish the goal in one? Back in the old days it was a norm that cooking is only a women's forte and should be done by her. But now if we see there are boys who are keen in the culinary field and that there are more male master chefs. In conclusion, while there is no doubt that the 'she' is much more talented and smarter than the 'he', it is essential to understand that no matter under which category a person belongs, at the end of the day we are all humans. I, therefore disagree that there should be equal male and females for the each subject in universities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Now
a day with feminism taking the court
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that universities should accept
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in every subject. I
on the other hand
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion on this and do not align to the argument. In this essay I will lay down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
supporting points to my argument along with certain examples.

India is a huge country and in it resides about 1. 2 billion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. If we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look into the male to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
ratio, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Now
if we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and women in every section in each institute, there will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out from pursuing their dreams.
For instance
, Civil or Mechanical Engineering is a field which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are more interested in pursuing than women.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Now
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
to both genders in such cases,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
reserved for women will go vacant while for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
it will
be overcrowded
.
Moreover
, I feel that admissions should
be based
on merit and not on gender.

I
also
believe admits should not be
Consider using a past participle here: "gendered".
gender
based
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should be on the grounds of an individual's interest. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to value every persons dream and aspirations, not restrict them to the nature they
were born
with.
For example
, most of the girls are doing wonders in the field of space. Even in ISRO it was the women's team who made it possible to Mars in one go. Girls prefer computers as their brains work faster and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
with it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Now
imagine if there were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
, would India be able to accomplish the goal in one? Back in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days it was a norm that cooking is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a women's forte and should
be done
by her.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
there are boys who are keen in the culinary field and that there are more male master chefs.

In conclusion
, while there is no doubt that the 'she' is much more talented and smarter than the 'he', it is essential to understand that no matter under which category a person belongs, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day we are all humans. I,
therefore
disagree that there should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
for
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
subject in universities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should accept equal number of males and females in every subject. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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