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University should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

University should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. v. 1
In today's world, where money matters a lot, it is quite common for both parents to work. Sometimes this is due to their family condition, they need two salaries to survive. There is nothing wrong if both parents are working, but there are some problems that arise because of that. This essay will discuss such problems and their effects on their family. Due to their hectic schedule, they are not able to spend some valuable time with their children. Their children are being looked after by either their grandparents or someone else. Every child needs the guidance of his parents, whether in his studies or in his personal life. Even though they are working for the better future of their children it develops a sense of loneliness in their children. As a result of which children become irritated and are angry all the time. Sometime it is the choice of both parents in a family to work, as they feel like it is good to work instead of wasting their time at home, but their children feel like nobody wants to talk to them and it's not only affecting their mental condition, but also affecting their grades in the school. Their parents have no idea about what is happening in their child's life and it is very bad for their future. In conclusion, it is very beneficial for the entire family financially, if both parents are working. They will never have any problem due to money, but they should also take care about their children. Parents understand their children more than anyone else, they should spend some good time with them, then only they can live as a happy family.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, where money matters a lot, it is quite common for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
this is due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
condition, they need two salaries to survive. There is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
if both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems that arise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that. This essay will discuss such problems and their effects on their family.

Due to their hectic schedule, they are not able to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
being looked
after by either their grandparents or someone else. Every child needs the guidance of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, whether in his studies or in his personal life.
Even though
they are working for the better future of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
it develops a sense of loneliness in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
of which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become irritated and are angry all the time.

Sometime it is the choice of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to work, as they feel like it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to work
instead
of wasting their time at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel like nobody wants to talk to them and it's not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affecting their mental condition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affecting their grades in the school. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about what is happening in their child's life and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for their future.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
financially
, if both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working. They will never have any problem due to money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should
also
take care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more than anyone else, they should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time with them, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay University should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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