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In some countries people encourage to teenagers to find part time jobs. Some people agree and other doesn't. Discuss both sides and gives your opinion. v.1

In some countries people encourage to teenagers to find part time jobs. Some people agree and other doesn't. v. 1
Part time jobs has become increasingly effective among certain demographics of society. These people claim that casual, career are rewarding and as such are needed. This essay will argue why a casual job is entirely necessary despite some potential instability. Students have always been worrying of their financial dependence. They are justifiably worried about their extra activities that could potentially make them dependent on their parents in addition, teenagers feel apprehensive in demanding funds from their parents. Further, there have been many recorded circumstances, for example, where their demand has been rejected and end up in depression. These few instances have induce teenagers, that casual job are not only necessary but potentially more privilege. Despite the major considerable benefits associated with freelancing, indeed the idea that theses perks are unnecessary and extraneous is completely preposterous. Besides, the part time work creates the soft skills which they required for their future career support. For instance, the number of students so far gets benefits far outweigh the number of students who have been financially dependent. In fact, they can settle their issued without bothering their parents. Overall, that extra work will impact their studies in a minor way and could potentially lead to a far worse outcome for them. In conclusion, this essay argued that people who are against the casual works and have flawed understanding of freelancing and underestimate the effects of what they believe. In my opinion, part time work is an absolute imperative that is entirely justified despite the small and occasional risk.
Part time
jobs has become
increasingly
effective among certain demographics of society. These
people
claim that
casual
, career are rewarding and as such
are needed
. This essay will argue why a
casual
job is
entirely
necessary despite
some
potential instability.

Students have always been worrying of their financial dependence. They are
justifiably
worried about their extra activities that could
potentially
make
them dependent on their parents
in addition
,
teenagers
feel apprehensive in demanding funds from their parents.
Further
, there have been
many
recorded circumstances,
for example
, where their demand has
been rejected
and
end
up in depression. These few instances have
induce
teenagers
, that
casual
job are not
only
necessary
but
potentially
more privilege.

Despite the major considerable benefits associated with freelancing,
indeed
the
idea
that
theses
perks are unnecessary and extraneous is completely preposterous.
Besides
, the
part time
work
creates the soft
skills
which they required for their future career support.
For instance
, the number of students
so
far
gets
benefits far outweigh the number of students who have been
financially
dependent. In fact, they can settle their issued without bothering their parents.
Overall
, that extra
work
will impact their studies
in a minor way
and could
potentially
lead to a far worse outcome for them.

In conclusion
, this essay argued that
people
who are against the
casual
works and have flawed understanding of freelancing and underestimate the effects of what they believe. In my opinion,
part time
work
is an absolute imperative
that is
entirely
justified despite the
small
and occasional
risk
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay In some countries people encourage to teenagers to find part time jobs. Some people agree and other doesn't. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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