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Many companies use advertisements to increase their sales. What are the main factors that make an advertisement effective? Is advertising a good or bad thing for the society? v.3

It is beyond the shadow of a doubt that advertisement techniques are constantly used by companies, especially by the ones who possess great success. In a globalised market, it can be considered logical to spend money on advertising related purposes. However, this may be a matter of debate due to its impact on individuals and on societies in generals. Compared to rest of the history, last couple of decades have been an era that humanity had outdone its own potential. Developments on science and technology made it challenging for companies to compete with each other. This resulted in companies' growing needs of more effective advertising techniques. Now advertisements must not only be astounding and creative, but also convincing enough to make their target audience believe that they need this particular product. For instance, people need to be persuaded to purchase a new smartphone even though they already have a functioning one. On the other hand, I believe that advertising and consuming are not only about economy. They have inevitable effects on communities and people's behaviors. First and foremost, people who have been exposed to excessive stimulation, become more vulnerable to consuming. This situation may lead to a consuming society where people buy things without thinking of the results. Moreover, purchasing products that out of need can cause financial problems for consumers. Needless to say that focusing on consuming redundantly could end up with weakened communication between individuals. To conclude, since its first appearance, advertising has changed drastically. Today people see numerous advertisements on various platforms everyday. It is crucial for advertising to be up to date in order to draw people's attentions. However, directing persons to a infinite circle of consumption could have unwanted affects on the well-being of communities.
It is beyond the shadow of a doubt that advertisement techniques are
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
especially
by the ones who possess great success. In a
Possible spelling mistake. ‘globalised’ is British English.
globalised
market, it can
be considered
logical to spend money on advertising related purposes.
However
, this may be a matter of debate due to its impact on individuals and on societies in generals.

Compared to rest of the history, last couple of decades have been an era that humanity had outdone its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
potential. Developments on science and technology made it challenging for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to compete with each other. This resulted in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of more effective advertising techniques.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be astounding and creative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
convincing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their target audience believe that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
this particular product.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be persuaded
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a new smartphone
even though
they already have a functioning one.

On the other hand
, I believe that advertising and consuming are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about economy. They have inevitable effects on communities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's behaviors.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
been exposed
to excessive stimulation, become more vulnerable to consuming. This situation may lead to a consuming society where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things without thinking of the results.
Moreover
, purchasing products that out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
can cause financial problems for consumers. Needless to say that focusing on consuming
redundantly
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with weakened communication between individuals.

To conclude
, since its
first
appearance, advertising has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
drastically
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
numerous advertisements on various platforms
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
. It is crucial for advertising to be up to date in order to draw
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attentions.
However
, directing persons to
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
infinite circle of consumption could have unwanted affects on the well-being of communities.
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IELTS essay Successful companies use advertisements to make more sales. What can make an advertisement effective? Do you think advertisements are a bad thing or a good thing for society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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