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Uniforms should be banned in school. children should be free to wear what they like. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Uniforms should be banned in school. children should be free to wear what they like. v. 1
Both air and water quality are getting worse in plenty of developing countries due to factories plants and construction sites. In order to mitigate this problem possible solutions are investments in clean energy and more rigorous inspections by the government on both industry and construction sectors. Firstly, some kind of incentive by the government should be given to a factory or construction site which has invested in clean energy. For instance, lower taxation should be applied the factories which installed and are using their own solar panels. Because, these factories are not consuming electrical energy from the grid that might have a not clean source. In a similar way, some kind of incentive should be given to construction sites that are recycling their water. Since, they are not only avoiding polluting the water system, but also giving a new use for an important resource. In addition, regular inspections of sewer and chimney systems should be done by the government on factories and construction sites, looking for irregularities. Since, it is not uncommon to have factories which do not comply with environmental rules in order to save money. For example, for maximizing their profits factories might not invest in an air filter for their chimney. Besides, doing proper water and air treatment is complex and time consuming. Therefore, being much easier to construction sites to discard toxic water on city's sewer. In conclusion, an effort should be made by the government in order to mitigate air and water contamination by industry and construction. This effort should be not only stimulating factory plants and construction sites on using clean resources, but also by proper inspecting these places looking for irregularities.
Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
quality are getting worse in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
plants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. In order to mitigate this problem possible solutions are investments in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
energy and more rigorous inspections by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
on both industry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
sectors.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of incentive by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
which has invested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
energy.
For instance
, lower taxation should
be applied
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
which installed and are using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
solar panels.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
are not consuming electrical energy from the grid that might have a not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
source.
Consider replacing "In a similar way" with the adverb for "similar"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
In a similar way
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of incentive should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
that are recycling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. Since, they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
avoiding polluting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
giving a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
resource.

In addition
, regular inspections of sewer and chimney systems should
be done
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, looking for irregularities.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
, it is not uncommon to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
which do not comply with environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in order to save money.
For example
, for maximizing their profits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
might not invest in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
filter for their chimney.
Besides
, doing proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
treatment is complex and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.
Therefore
, being much easier to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
to discard toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
on city's sewer.

In conclusion
, an effort should
be made
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in order to mitigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
contamination by industry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
. This effort should be not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
stimulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
plants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
on using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
resources,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by proper inspecting these places looking for irregularities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Uniforms should be banned in school. children should be free to wear what they like. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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