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You have recently visited a theater and had an accident there. The staff were very helpful. Write a letter to the manager and say– Describe the accident. – How did the staff help you? – How can similar situations be prevented in the future? v.1

You have recently visited a theater and had an accident there. The staff were very helpful. Write a letter to the manager and say– Describe the accident. – How did the staff help you? – How can similar situations be prevented in the future? v. 1
Nowadays, some people claim that a multicultural country is the key for a country fast development. In my opinion, people from different cultures can contribute to a faster country development. Because, they can not only present a new perspective for a problem but also help in connecting different countries by language. Firstly, it is wrong to think that different societies have completely different problems, in fact, in many cases is just a matter of how they deal with a problem. For instance, whereas some countries deal with the accommodation problem in big cities by building taller buildings, other nations prefer to invest in public transportation that connects neighbour cities. Moreover, another example is the health system which can be either public or private. Hence, bringing together multiple point of views can offer different solutions. In addition, the world is more connected than ever, so people from abroad can help in connecting countries with language. For example, people from China living in Britain could allow a local company in doing business in China by helping both sides communication. Furthermore, someone who lives in a foreign country can work at the government tourism department and help with translations. Thus, someone who knows a different language can offer multiple benefits for a country. In conclusion, a country with a plural population can have many benefits regarding not only different problem approaches, but also improvements in connecting with other countries. The mentioned benefits with no doubt can help a country in order to develop faster.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that a multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the key for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
development. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures can contribute to a faster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
present a new perspective for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by language.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
societies have completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, in fact, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a matter of how they deal with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
For instance
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
deal with the accommodation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities by building taller buildings, other nations prefer to invest in public transportation that connects
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
cities.
Moreover
, another example is the health system which can be either public or private.
Hence
, bringing together multiple point of views can offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
solutions.

In addition
, the world is more connected than ever,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from abroad can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with language.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from China living in Britain could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in doing business in China by helping both sides communication.
Furthermore
, someone who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can work at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
tourism department and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
with translations.
Thus
, someone who knows a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
language can offer multiple benefits for a country.

In conclusion
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with a plural population can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits regarding not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
approaches,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
improvements in connecting with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The mentioned benefits with no doubt can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in order to develop faster.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay You have recently visited a theater and had an accident there. The staff were very helpful. Write a letter to the manager and say– Describe the accident. – How did the staff help you? – How can similar situations be prevented in the future? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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