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Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school leavers in most countries How far do you agree with this assessment What other challenges face young people today v.3

Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school leavers in most countries How far do you agree with this assessment What other challenges face young people today v. 3
In today’s modernized world, we still encounter a wide range of problems. Among these, the matter of unemployment arises the significant challenges to people, especially youngsters who leave schools in the majority of the nations. To a certain point of view, I would like to argue that this might be a severe issue for most countries. However, I also believe that if we deeply peruse the world, there are other vital problems. This essay deals with the mentioned topic and introduces other pivotal dangers. The subject of joblessness appears to be one of the most challenging problems for school-leavers, either in developed or developing countries. In former countries, as the majority of individuals have pursued their academic achievements in prestigious universities, the job market is highly competitive. Therefore, finding a well-paid career for one who does not have primary requirement seems to be arduous. Moreover, for the community members in the latter nations, because of economic instability and numerous problems like lack of manufacturers and the private sector, job positions are rare. Hence, young people without school certifications will deal with the unemployment issue. On the other hand, people are always fighting with other dangerous challenges which are important than unemployment. Nearly all of developing countries have political instabilities, corruption, and holy wars, contributing to civil war. By this, I mean that for instance, in the country like India, because of the existence of disparate religions, politicians have various ideas. Hence, we can see these problems altogether, threatening their nations life. Another widely observed issues are drought, famine, and the risk of the widespread deadly diseases which are critical issues. These problems demand more attention, as long as they are directly related to the lives of thousands of people, either young or old. In conclusion, although finding a suitable occupation tends to be an expansive problem for young people of most countries in all continents, other difficulties like political and religious wars and even dangers of fatal illnesses need to be considered first.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modernized world, we
still
encounter a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Among these, the matter of unemployment arises the significant challenges to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
youngsters who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
schools in the majority of the nations. To a certain point of view, I would like to argue that this might be a severe issue for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, I
also
believe that if we
deeply
peruse the world, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This essay deals with the mentioned topic and introduces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
pivotal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.

The subject of joblessness appears to be one of the most challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for school-leavers, either in developed or developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, as the majority of individuals have pursued their academic achievements in prestigious universities, the job market is
highly
competitive.
Therefore
, finding a well-paid career for one who does not have primary requirement seems to be arduous.
Moreover
, for the community members in the latter nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of economic instability and numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like lack of manufacturers and the private sector, job positions are rare.
Hence
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without school certifications will deal with the unemployment issue.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always fighting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
challenges which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than unemployment.
Nearly
all of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have political instabilities, corruption, and holy wars, contributing to civil war. By this, I mean that
for instance
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like India,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the existence of disparate religions, politicians have various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
Hence
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
altogether, threatening their nations life. Another
widely
observed issues are drought, famine, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of the widespread deadly diseases which are critical issues. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
demand more attention, as long as they are
directly
related to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, either young or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

In conclusion
, although finding a suitable occupation tends to be an expansive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in all continents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
difficulties like political and religious wars and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of fatal illnesses need to
be considered
first
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school leavers in most countries How far do you agree with this assessment What other challenges face young people today v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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