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Should university give financial support to sports and social activities or to the classes and library? v.2

Should university give financial support to sports and social activities or to the classes and library? v. 2
" Healthy minds live in the healthy bodies" . The body can be healthy by doing regular exercise or sports activities. Similarly Human beings are social animal. To fit well within the society they need to participate in the social activities. Many people may agree that since students' main purpose of going college is to gain knowledge, they should devote their time in classes and libraries only and so the financial supports for these should be more than the other activities. As far as I am concerned, universities should provide equal funds to the sports and social activities as for the classes and libraries. First, continuous studies can be hectic and monotonous for the students. As the proverb says “all work and no fun made jack a dull boy" . Sports and social activities can act as stress buster for the pupils. For instance, I was watching a documentary on CNN which says that continuous study without break decreases brain' s ability to absorb more knowledge. Contrary to that by taking a break brain' s capacity is rejuvenated. Sports and social activities can be the best source for giving the rest to the brain. If universities sports facilities are developed with financial support, the students can take a break from studies and can feel relaxed by playing table tennis or other games. Second, with good funding to the sports activities, universities can develop advanced gyms and sports clubs that may inspire students to excel in the sports. The main purpose of the colleges to invest more in classes and libraries is to bring name and fame to the universities. This can be done with the sports activities also. For instance, my university is well known for our hockey captain rather than our university topper. Moreover not only in the city but these students can bring the honor to the university at the international level by participating in the Olympics and other international competition. Last, many students want to pursue their career in the sports considering they are good in that, not in studies. In such scenario if college only promotes to the educational activities, it may demotivate them. Think if Kapil Dev was not provided with the better cricket facilities, he would have not been able to be a successful sportsman. The better facilities are possible only with good financial support from the universities. By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored, I am of the opinion that universities should contribute financial support equally to the sports and social activities as they contribute to the classes and libraries.
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; Healthy minds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the healthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
bodies&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
The body can be healthy by doing regular exercise or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
Human beings are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
animal. To fit well within the society they need to participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that since
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; main purpose of going college is to gain knowledge, they should devote their time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and libraries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
for these should be more than the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. As far as I
am concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should provide equal funds to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and libraries.

First
, continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
can be hectic and monotonous for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. As the proverb says “all work and no fun made jack a dull
Possible spelling mistake found.
boy&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can act as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for the pupils.
For instance
, I was watching a documentary on CNN which says that continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
without break decreases
Possible spelling mistake found.
brain&
#039; s ability to absorb more knowledge. Contrary to that by taking a break
Possible spelling mistake found.
brain&
#039; s capacity
is rejuvenated
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can be the best source for giving the rest to the brain. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
are developed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can take a break from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and can feel relaxed by playing table tennis or other games.

Second, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
funding to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
can develop advanced gyms and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs that may inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to excel in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. The main purpose of the colleges to invest more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and libraries is to bring name and fame to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. This can
be done
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
also
.
For instance
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is well known for our hockey captain
rather
than our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
topper.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in the city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can bring the honor to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
at the international level by participating in the Olympics and other international competition.

Last,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to pursue their career in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
considering they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in that, not in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. In such scenario if college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
promotes to the educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it may demotivate them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Think
if
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kapil
Dev was not provided with the better cricket facilities, he would have not been able to be a successful sportsman. The better facilities are possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from the universities.

By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should contribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
equally
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as they contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and libraries.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
61Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Should university give financial support to sports and social activities or to the classes and library? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
430 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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