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ducation for young people is important in many countries. However, the others thinkgovernment should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read andwrite. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

ducation for young people is important in many countries. However, the others thinkgovernment should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read andwrite. v. 2
Nowadays, an increasing people are concerned about the age of citizens for that government should invest educational assist. However, whether the financial source should be utilized to support young people or expand the resources for adult dwellers also has exerted a heated debate. My view is that adults who lack the literacy of reading and writing have right to receive financial support to improve this inadequacy. First, it is obvious that all residents have equal right to access the education non-regardless their age, this is unfair when young people received the educational aids from the government while older people do not even they are not able to read or write. Besides, imparting those poor people can enable them to possess better consciousness and morality, result in superior behaviors of them. For example, an individual who has not ever read legal documentations might not aware of wrong actions such as corporal punishment in children and then making some violent actions illegal. And we can prevent such situations in advance by imparting necessary reading and writing skills in order to raise people ‘s awareness about laws which are normally stored in papers. Thus, this is a crucial need for all citizens to have ability of reading and writing and the government should take full responsibility to fulfill this demand. There are also many views that provide education for adults is the waste of resources, and money should be spend for the youth who have better abilities for study. But, the paucity of rudimentary literacy will cause the negative influences to society such as the rose of brutal behaviors, unemployment, poverty, breaking rules actions and so on. In conclusion, the investment in education for improving the basic knowledge in adults who can not read and write is worth using, beneficial to each individual and society, contributing to the prospect of the nations.
Nowadays, an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the age of citizens for that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest educational assist.
However
, whether the financial source should
be utilized
to support young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or expand the resources for adult dwellers
also
has exerted a heated debate. My view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lack the literacy of reading and writing have right to receive financial support to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this inadequacy.

First
, it is obvious that all residents have equal right to access the education non-regardless their age, this is unfair when young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
received the educational aids from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
while older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not even they are not able to read or write.

Besides
, imparting those poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enable them to possess better consciousness and morality, result in superior behaviors of them.
For example
, an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has not ever read legal documentations might not aware of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
actions such as corporal punishment in children and then making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
violent actions illegal. And we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such situations in advance by imparting necessary reading and writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in order to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
‘s awareness about laws which are
normally
stored in papers.
Thus
, this is a crucial need for all citizens to have ability of reading and writing and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take full responsibility to fulfill this demand.

There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
views that provide education for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
is the waste of resources, and money should be
Consider using the past participle "spent"?
spend
for the youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have better abilities for study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the paucity of rudimentary literacy will cause the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences to society such as the rose of brutal behaviors, unemployment, poverty, breaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
actions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, the investment in education for improving the basic knowledge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can not read and write is worth using, beneficial to each individual and society, contributing to the prospect of the nations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay ducation for young people is important in many countries. However, the others thinkgovernment should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read andwrite. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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