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Some people think that the development of technology helps to reduce crime, while other people think it encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people think that the development of technology helps to reduce crime, while other people think it encourages crime. v. 3
In the modern world, people are not willing to visit the art galleries. The reasons for this are advanced technologies, hard work and a decrease in people's interest in art. However, some people believe that artists must be creative in order to attract tourists. Personally, I believe that the government support such as funding, advertising the artworks through the media and subsidising the artists can alleviate the problem. On the one hand, it is true that the main reason for the declining, the number of visitors is unpopular of workmanship. In this case, many people tend to visit a worldwide popular museum and theatre such as the Louvre and Ermitage, and they are not keen to look at other museums. Moreover, new technologies made the situation even worse. To illustrate, nowadays, individuals have an opportunity to get the information about art objects though the internet resources. In addition, there are online installations of such kinds of objects on the internet. On the other hand, it is clear that the authorities may solve the problem. They can invest the money into this sphere. Furthermore, the second possible solution can be a teaching method of children. That is to say, including are classes in the school curriculum can raise the children's interest in craft. For example, they can take classes in acting, drawing and writing as well. In conclusion, although many people are reckoned to think the number of visitors are declining because of unpopularity of workmanship, personally, I believe that government funding can solve the problem. In addition, involving the children to extra courses is a viable option to increase the visitor number.
In the modern world,
people
are not willing to visit the art galleries. The reasons for this
are advanced
technologies,
hard
work and a decrease in
people
's interest in art.
However
,
some
people
believe that artists
must
be creative in order to attract tourists.
Personally
, I believe that the
government
support such as funding, advertising the artworks through the media and
subsidising
the artists can alleviate the problem.

On the one hand, it is true that the main reason for the declining, the number of visitors is unpopular of workmanship.
In this case
,
many
people
tend to visit a worldwide popular museum and
theatre
such as the Louvre and
Ermitage
, and they are not keen to look at other museums.
Moreover
, new technologies made the situation even worse. To illustrate, nowadays, individuals have an opportunity to
get
the information about art objects though the internet resources.
In addition
, there are online installations of such kinds of objects on the internet.

On the other hand
, it is
clear
that the authorities may solve the problem. They can invest the money into this sphere.
Furthermore
, the second possible solution can be a teaching method of children.
That is
to say, including are classes in the school curriculum can raise the children's interest in craft.
For example
, they can take classes in acting, drawing and writing
as well
.

In conclusion
, although
many
people
are reckoned
to
think
the number of visitors are declining
because
of unpopularity of workmanship,
personally
, I believe that
government
funding can solve the problem.
In addition
, involving the children to extra courses is a viable option to increase the visitor number.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that the development of technology helps to reduce crime, while other people think it encourages crime. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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