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Traffic congestion is a growing problem in many of the world's major cities. Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions. v.1

Traffic congestion is a growing problem in many of the world's major cities. Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions. v. 1
It is generally accepted that it is vital for parents to allow some time for interaction with their children every day, while others feel that it is far more necessary to provide food and comfort. Although open communication in the family creates harmonious relationships, I believe that the highest priority should be the provision of necessities. On the one hand, it is an essential responsibility of parents to have daily interaction with children as it builds trust and harmony in the family. Because when parents consistently acknowledge and listen to their children daily vice versa, both can easily understand and solve whatever difficulties they may experience. For example, in the UK, health visitors teach parents about the importance of open communication in parenting because, according to a study conducted in Belfast, 70% of graduates had parents that openly communicates with them. However, this should not always be the top priority in parenting as meeting the basic needs of a child is crucial in upbringing. On the other hand, the primary concern of mothers and fathers should be the provision of physiological needs such as food and comfort. A meal provides nutrition to the body for physical growth and development of children while giving support helps them to build emotional bonds, love and, affection. A good illustration of this is, according to the New York Times, amongst those who have been very successful in industrial fields, some parents are striving hard to provide basic nutritional needs for their children. Whereas some succeed because they follow their parent's advise, such as the act of being hard-working. Therefore, the top priority must be food and comfort because it is necessary for survival. In conclusion, while some people believe that parents should talk to their children daily creates a happy family relationship, I firmly believe that for families to survive, the basic needs for food should consider first.
It is
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that it is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time for interaction with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
every day, while others feel that it is far more necessary to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and comfort. Although open communication in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
creates harmonious relationships, I believe that the highest priority should be the provision of necessities.

On the one hand, it is an essential responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to have daily interaction with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it builds trust and harmony in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
consistently
acknowledge and listen to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
daily vice versa, both can
easily
understand and solve whatever difficulties they may experience.
For example
, in the UK, health visitors teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about the importance of open communication in parenting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, according to a study conducted in Belfast, 70% of graduates had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that
openly
communicates with them.
However
, this should not always be the top priority in parenting as meeting the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of a child is crucial in upbringing.

On the other hand
, the primary concern of mothers and fathers should be the provision of physiological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and comfort. A meal provides nutrition to the body for physical growth and development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while giving support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to build emotional bonds,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and, affection. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is, according to the New York Times, amongst those who have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful in industrial fields,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are striving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to provide basic nutritional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
succeed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they follow their
Consider using the plural form here: "parents".
parent's
advise, such as the act of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working.
Therefore
, the top priority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and comfort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is necessary for survival.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should talk to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
daily creates a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship, I
firmly
believe that for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to survive, the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should consider
first
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Traffic congestion is a growing problem in many of the world's major cities. Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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