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Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? v.1

Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside. v. 1
Rapid industrialisation in the city makes the people uncomfortable.  city is becoming shortens because of rapid industrialization and globalisation. Some people believe that moving to the countryside will help employees and also companies This essay will discuss why displacing to a small town is very much essential these days.  Some people believe that moving to the countryside will help both the employees and companies. First, and foremost the increasing number of population in the city making it inconvenient to each other. It is better to move to small towns which have less population, which will be an easy job, especially if the job location is nearer to our living place then it is far easier for us. For instance, nowadays in the cities, people travel a small amount of distance for large hours. If they situate the living place of the workmen nearby or besides the workplace, it helps him to work longer and healthier as there is immense traffic in the city the one cannot travel even the distance is less.  In addition, if they shift the employees to the countryside, they can work peacefully. Employees can make their work time more flexible. Many people in the city are living in Apartments in multi storied buildings rather than Independent houses because of the lack of sites. The company should Shift to no-traffic zone areas and which there can provide to their employees a traffic free zone for their economies work. Therefore, the efficiency of their work improves a lot. As freight is one of the major aspect of disturbance to the worker or employee, for example out of a research 75% of workers are having a long downturn because of these present circumstances If the residential issues and traffic minimises then the worker can more concentrate on the work. In conclusion, I believe that the workers and the company could shift to the calm and pleasant town side area.
Rapid
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
in the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
uncomfortable.  
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
city
is becoming shortens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of rapid
Do not mix variants of the same word ('industrialization' and 'industrialisation') within a single text.
industrialization
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that moving to the countryside will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This essay will discuss why displacing to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
Did you mean "essentially"?
essential
these days.  
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that moving to the countryside will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
both the employees and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

First
, and foremost the increasing number of population in the city making it inconvenient to each other. It is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns which have less population, which will be an easy job,
especially
if the job location is nearer to our living place then it is far easier for us.
For instance
, nowadays in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of distance for large hours. If they situate the living place of the workmen nearby or
besides
the workplace, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer and healthier as there is immense traffic in the city the one cannot travel even the distance is less.  
In addition
, if they shift the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to the countryside, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
peacefully
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
time more flexible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the city are living in Apartments in multi storied buildings
rather
than Independent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of sites.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should Shift to no-traffic zone areas and which there can provide to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
a traffic free zone for their economies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Therefore
, the efficiency of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
a lot. As freight is one of the major aspect of disturbance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
,
for example
out of a research 75% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are having a long downturn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these present circumstances If the residential issues and traffic
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimises' is British English.
minimises
 then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
can more concentrate on the work.

In conclusion
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
could shift to the calm and pleasant town side area.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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