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Traffic and housing problems in major cities can be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Traffic and housing problems in major cities can be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. v. 1
Now a day, people are migrating from one country to another country in search of better lifestyle and job opportunities. Many individuals assume that kingdom grows very rapidly if the multinational and multicultural people stayed together. I agreed with the former statement. I will explain it in the successive paragraphs. To begin with, the experienced and professional person when shifted, It spreads the knowledge and invent the new things with their experience. It enhances the awareness among the others. So, it helps to rectify the existing working atmosphere and implement the new rules and regulation in the working culture that will increase the productivity. As a result, it surges the development of the nation. Moreover, some people have the unique talent like dancing, swimming and lifting et cetera. And many of them are from the sports background. When they migrated and participate in the different activities in the nation and among the world level that will be the proudest moment for that sovereign state. It will give the unique recognition among the countries. Therefore, It has the crucial role in the growth of the realm. Further move, when different cultural people live together, they will raise the productivity with their creative thinking in the work culture and find out the easiest way to work. They will live the life with good manner and surge the working trend of the nation. Furthermore, It improves the life style and followed or spread the life culture of each other. It tells equality to the learners of the other areas. When different caste people live and eat together and spread the equality among the others. Consequently, it develops the country steeply. To conclude, we can say that with the diversity in the province, it improves the territory economically and raise in the development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrating from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in search of better lifestyle and job opportunities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals assume that kingdom grows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rapidly
if the multinational and multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stayed together. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with the former statement. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it in the successive paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the experienced and professional person when shifted, It spreads the knowledge and invent the new things with their experience. It enhances the awareness among the others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to rectify the existing working atmosphere and implement the new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation in the working culture that will increase the productivity.
As a result
, it surges the development of the nation.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the unique talent like dancing, swimming and lifting
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are from the sports background. When they migrated and participate in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities in the nation and among the world level that will be the proudest moment for that sovereign state. It will give the unique recognition among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Therefore
, It has the crucial role in the growth of the realm.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together, they will raise the productivity with their creative thinking in the work culture and find out the easiest way to work. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the life with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner and surge the working trend of the nation.
Furthermore
, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the life style and followed or spread the life culture of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
equality to the learners of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas. When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
caste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and eat together and spread the equality among the others.
Consequently
, it develops the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
steeply
.

To conclude
, we can say that with the diversity in the province, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the territory
economically
and raise in the development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Traffic and housing problems in major cities can be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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