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Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. v. 1
Increased traffic and lack of housing supply are major concerns in many places. By relocating large businesses, including their factories and employees, to rural areas, these issues can be properly addressed. I personally find this idea justifiable; however, at the same time, some other initiatives should be implemented if we expect to solve traffic and housing problems effectively. Moving businesses and their facilities to the countryside will cause urban population to shrink substantially as successful companies, such as Apple, provide work for thousands of people. This, as a result, will relieve pressure on urban housing supply systems. Another apparent advantage of a decreased population is lower volumes of traffic which help reduce traffic congestion. In Hanoi for example, most people travel to work by private vehicles, and this leads to overcrowded roads during the rush hour. If big companies are based in a rural area and offer accommodation to their employees near their workplaces, this will no longer be the case. Nonetheless, I think the mentioned problems are rather complicated and can only be solved completely by the introduction of some other measures. One example involves the development of road systems because narrow roads largely contribute to traffic jams in major cities. Building wider roads and motorways will allow a greater number of vehicles, both private and public, and therefore reduce traffic congestion. Also, residential areas with small living spaces that can accommodate a growing population should be established in urban centers. In conclusion, I agree that relocating businesses to the countryside is one way to deal with traffic and housing problems. I also believe that we need a combination of this approach and a number of other actions, as listed above, to tackle these problems in a more comprehensive manner.
Increased
traffic
and lack of housing supply are major concerns in
many
places. By relocating large businesses, including their factories and employees, to rural areas, these issues can be
properly
addressed. I
personally
find this
idea
justifiable;
however
, at the same time,
some
other initiatives should
be implemented
if we
expect
to solve
traffic
and housing
problems
effectively
.

Moving businesses and their facilities to the countryside will cause urban population to shrink
substantially
as successful
companies
, such as Apple, provide work for thousands of
people
. This,
as a result
, will relieve pressure on urban housing supply systems. Another apparent advantage of a decreased population is lower volumes of
traffic
which
help
reduce
traffic
congestion. In Hanoi
for example
, most
people
travel to work by private vehicles, and this leads to overcrowded
roads
during the rush hour. If
big
companies
are based
in a rural area and offer accommodation to their employees near their workplaces, this will no longer be the case.

Nonetheless, I
think
the mentioned
problems
are
rather
complicated and can
only
be solved
completely by the introduction of
some
other measures. One example involves the development of
road
systems
because
narrow
roads
largely
contribute to
traffic
jams in major cities. Building wider
roads
and motorways will
allow
a greater number of vehicles, both private and public, and
therefore
reduce
traffic
congestion.
Also
, residential areas with
small
living spaces that can accommodate a growing population should
be established
in urban centers.

In conclusion
, I
agree
that relocating businesses to the countryside is one way to deal with
traffic
and housing
problems
. I
also
believe that we need a combination of this approach and a number of other actions, as listed above, to tackle these
problems
in a more comprehensive manner.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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