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In many cities young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity, why do you think this happens and is positive or negative development? v.1

In many cities young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity, why do you think this happens and is positive or negative development? v. 1
Children in their teenage are suffering from a lot of social issues in many areas. According to some, the reason for this is the absence of parents from their life as parents are busy with their job. I am of the opinion that the majority of the problems with teenagers are because of parents as they are not providing proper supervision and not giving enough time for moral teachings. First, there is no doubt, parents play an important role in keeping a check and balance on every activity of their children, especially in the teenage. But nowadays, parents are mostly busy with their hectic work routine that they are not able to supervise their children. Without restrictions and guardianship, children may involve in immoral activities. It is often reported that the most common reason for teenagers becoming a criminal is the absence of a parental guide from their life. Second, it is commonly accepted that parents are the best teachers of their children. Most importantly, moral teachings can only be learned by spending time with parents and learn from their experiences. Teenagers can learn faster when it comes directly from their parents. If parents are not given the required time to their children, then it is a possibility that they will never get mature in tackling adult life problems in the future. Finally, the lack of focus from parents to their children might also involve them in a bad company. In the absence of attachment from parents, children seek external sources to spend their time. At this age, teenagers are not able to differentiate between right and wrong, and the same applies to select a good friend. For example, it is quite common that children mostly introduced to bad activities from their friends. In conclusion, there are a number of serious problems for teenagers such as involvement in criminal activities and surrounding themselves with bad company, the reason for this is that parents being busy in their work and not spending proper time with their children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
in their teenage are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
social issues in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
the reason for this is
the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
from their life as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy with their job. I am of the opinion that the majority of the problems with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as they are not providing proper supervision and not giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for moral teachings.

First
, there is no doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in keeping a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and balance on every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
in the teenage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
mostly
busy with their hectic work routine that they are not able to supervise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Without restrictions and guardianship,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may involve in immoral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
reported that the most common reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
becoming a criminal is the absence of a parental guide from their life.

Second, it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the best teachers of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Most
importantly
, moral teachings can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be learned
by spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and learn from their experiences.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
can learn faster when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
directly
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, then it is a possibility that they will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mature in tackling adult life problems in the future.

Finally
, the lack of focus from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might
also
involve them in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. In the absence of attachment from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
seek external sources to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. At this age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are not able to differentiate between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, and the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
select a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friend.
For example
, it is quite common that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mostly
introduced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
from their friends.

In conclusion
, there are a number of serious problems for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
such as involvement in criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and surrounding themselves with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
the reason for this is
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
being busy in their work and not spending proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many cities young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity, why do you think this happens and is positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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