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tpo8. task1. If friends from another country were going to spend time in your country, what city or place would you suggest they visit? Using details and examples, explain why. v.1

tpo8. task1. If friends from another country were going to spend time in your country, what city or place would you suggest they visit? Using details and examples, explain why. v. 1
Today, the popularity of fast foods is so prominent, that they have even replaced the conventional food which used to be an identity of a particular community. This trend has hampered the people both individually and socially. I totally agree with this perspective and this essay provides the reason regarding my opinion. Primarily, the replacement of old food by the foreign fast foods has affected people in a personal level by various ways. Firstly, the newly introduced foods are very unhealthy in nature and they are responsible for various problems such as diabetes, obesity and heart attack. Furthermore, these foods use various ingredients which are unsuitable to the human bodies. For instance, most of the Chinese fast foods use the component known as MSG which has been proven by some scientists to induce cardiac arrest in a person. Likewise, the introduction of international foods is also not favourable to society as well. First of all, this has brought the decline in cultural value of some community. Most of the time, the culture of certain locality is always embedded with its cuisine and due to the fast food, some of these old-style cuisines has disappeared along with the cultural values in it. For example, Nepalese dishes are not that popular in the globe, such that people believe that this is similar to Indian foods because most of the Nepalese foods which have their own culture has been substituted by the fast foods in India. In conclusion, the emergence of fast food market in a rapid rate has been proven disastrous to the society and individuals. Hence, it is recommended that this emerging trend needs to be controlled to protect the life and cultural of people.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
prominent, that they have even replaced the conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be an identity of a particular community. This trend has hampered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
both
individually
and
socially
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this perspective and this essay provides the reason regarding my opinion.

Primarily
, the replacement of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a personal level by various ways.
Firstly
, the
newly
introduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unhealthy in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nature and
they are responsible for various problems such as diabetes, obesity and heart attack.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
various ingredients which are unsuitable to the human bodies.
For instance
, most of the Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the component known as MSG which has
been proven
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientists to induce cardiac arrest in a person.

Likewise
, the introduction of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is
also
not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to society
as well
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this has brought the decline in cultural value of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
community. Most of the time, the culture of certain locality is always embedded with its cuisine and due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-style cuisines has disappeared along with the cultural values in it.
For example
, Nepalese dishes are not that popular in the globe, such that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this is similar to Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the Nepalese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture has
been substituted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in India.

In conclusion
, the emergence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
market in a rapid rate has
been proven
disastrous to the society and individuals.
Hence
, it
is recommended
that this emerging trend needs to
be controlled
to protect the life and cultural of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay tpo8. task1. If friends from another country were going to spend time in your country, what city or place would you suggest they visit? Using details and examples, explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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