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TPO7 #1- If friends from another country were going to spend time in your country, what city or place would you suggest they visit? Using details and examples, explain why. v.1

TPO7 #1- If friends from another country were going to spend time in your country, what city or place would you suggest they visit? Using details and examples, explain why. v. 1
Many people argue that a juvenile’s criminal record should be relieved when he reaches eighteen years old. I completely argue against this view because it could be very harmful for the society to release them without considering other factors other than their age. Primarily, it could not be known whether the person is rehabilitated, just because of his certain age. Many of the adult convicts who perform serious crimes, such as murderers and rapist, start their immoral career as a petty wrongdoer in the earliest period of their time of life. This proves that the seriousness of misconduct increases with their growing age. Hence, it is very unwise to waive their name from criminal list based on their age. Also, it is also very vital to evaluate the behaviour of young offender before renouncing their name. The increase in the convict’s age does not guarantee the improvement in his behaviour, but most of the time this could make them more calculative and careful of their next crime. For instance, the documentary titled “I am a Killer” in Netflix has shown that most convicts become more cautious with their crimes as they grow older. In conclusion, I believe that the name of the criminals should not be deleted from their record because age could not guarantee their transformation and the behaviour of morally deviated person could not be determined by their age. Therefore, many factors other than the age of criminals need to be taken into consideration, so that proper justice is served.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that a juvenile’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
record should
be relieved
when he reaches eighteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I completely argue against this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for the society to release them without considering other factors other than their age.

Primarily
, it could not
be known
whether the person
is rehabilitated
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the adult convicts who perform serious crimes, such as murderers and rapist,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their immoral career as a petty wrongdoer in the earliest period of their time of life. This proves that the seriousness of misconduct increases with their growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unwise to waive their name from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
list based on their age.

Also
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital to evaluate the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of young offender
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
renouncing their name. The increase in the convict’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
does not guarantee the improvement in his
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of the time this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more calculative and careful of their
next
crime.
For instance
, the documentary titled “I am a Killer” in Netflix has shown that most convicts become more cautious with their crimes as they grow older.

In conclusion
, I believe that the name of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
should not
be deleted
from their record
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
could not guarantee their transformation and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
morally
deviated person could not
be determined
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors other than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
need to
be taken
into consideration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that proper justice
is served
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO7 #1- If friends from another country were going to spend time in your country, what city or place would you suggest they visit? Using details and examples, explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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