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Describe a room that you like You should say- which room it is- what makes this room special- what is look like - and explain how you feel when you are in that room v.1

Describe a room that you like You should say- which room it is- what makes this room special- what is look like - and explain how you feel when you are in that room v. 1
As technology advances, it is easier for news reporters to travel all around the globe and report news from other countries. Due to that fact, it is not a surprise that news companies spend a lot of money covering international news. In my opinion, I believe local news should receive more funding as well. The local news is as important as international news because they relate to our daily lives. Adults can check the traffic to see whether they should take another route to work. Students can check the news on a snow day to see if school is closed. These news allows us to know what happen in the community, sometimes they may even save our lives. Take the mass shooting in Nova Scotia as an example, the news raised local citizens' awareness in case it may happen again. Local news do not only affect our daily lives, it also takes a huge role in global issues. Right now, the most important global issue is the Corona virus. While the international news were reporting news like the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom was sent to intensive care because of the virus, the local news report the number of infections in provinces and what the government is going to do to prevent the spreading. By comparing two news' contents, it is obvious that the local news is more important. Although international news allows us to learn what's happening in the world, local news is important as well since they affect our lives directly. To conclude, I agree that news companies should spend more money on covering local news.
As technology advances, it is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reporters to travel all around the globe and report
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from other countries. Due to that fact, it is not a surprise that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money covering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. In my opinion, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should receive more funding
as well
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they relate to our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Adults can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the traffic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
whether they should take another route to work. Students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on a snow day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if school
is closed
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to know what happen in the community,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they may even save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Take the mass shooting in Nova Scotia as an example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
raised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens' awareness in case it may happen again.

Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, it
also
takes a huge role in global issues. Right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
global issue is the
The term "Coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona virus
. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
were reporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
like the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to intensive care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the virus, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
report the number of infections in provinces and what the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is going to do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the spreading. By comparing two news' contents, it is obvious that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to learn what's happening in the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as well
since they affect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
directly
.
To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should spend more money on covering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Describe a room that you like You should say- which room it is- what makes this room special- what is look like - and explain how you feel when you are in that room v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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