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TPO5. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment, doing things they like to do, rather than doing things they should do. v.2

TPO5. People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment, doing things they like to do, rather than doing things they should do. v. 2
Modern technology has changed the perspectives of people towards personal enjoyment compared to that of people in the past. Some believe that modern people reluctantly carry work they feel obliged to complete. On the other hand, others have the opposite viewpoint, arguing that these days, people are more involved in their professional work than their personal hobbies. As far as I am concerned, I hold the former opinion, since advanced technology has eased the professional work and helped people to have more leisure time. In the following argument, some evidences are addressed to substantiate my point of view. To start with, advanced technology has made professional jobs much easier than the blue-collar jobs in the past. Most jobs, are now performed with the help of advanced computers and automation systems. This means that modern people are not required to undertake physical activities to fulfil a handy job, which was common in the past. I remember a first-hand experience here. My Grandfather, lived in Yazd, a city in Iran, is a farmer who prefers to use the old agricultural techniques and due to physical activities of gardening, animal husbandry and irritation, he has barely travelled probably once every five years. On the other hand, my uncle, lived in Australia, has used the state-of-the-art machineries which enable him to have more spare time. As this example clarifies, people in the past could not engage in personal hobbies as much as today’s people on account of limited technology were available in the past. In addition, nowadays, there are various kinds of leisure activities, and technology has enabled people to have time to try things they prefer. One of the most common personal enjoyments is travelling. Modern airplanes and automobiles have caused a tremendous reduction in travel time. Continental travel is now possible, and travelling has now become as a fashion. These days, people generally live better off compared to the past. Therefore, they can afford flight fees while in the past people neither could afford long distant trips nor was the technology well-developed. It can undoubtedly understand from this explanation why currently we are inclined to personal hobbies considerably more than our ancestors. On the other hand, some may say that because of high amount of works and the related pressure and stress, modern people concentrate on their professions more than having leisure times. They are now forced to keep pace with the working environment which results in having less time for their personal enjoyments. I am against of this notion as technology enables employees to perform their job even in their home. These days, there are various kinds of companies where job seekers can choose whatever job they like to apply. This option was rare in the past due to the lack of available job market. Furthermore, distance learning has made education more convenient and students can choose between a huge range of universities and schools to continue their studies. So they can have enough time for their hobbies. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that people are more engaged in personal enjoyment, tending to have different options for everything from sport and leisure activities to availability of jobs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the perspectives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
compared to that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reluctantly
carry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they feel obliged to complete. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others have the opposite viewpoint, arguing that these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more involved in their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
hobbies. As far as I
am concerned
, I hold the former opinion, since advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In the following argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidences
are addressed
to substantiate my point of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
much easier than the blue-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
performed with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of advanced computers and automation systems. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not required to undertake physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to fulfil a handy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, which was common in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. I remember a
first
-hand experience here. My Grandfather,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yazd
, a city in Iran, is a farmer who prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
agricultural techniques and due to physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of gardening, animal husbandry and irritation, he has
barely
travelled
probably
once every five years. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, my uncle,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in Australia, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the state-of-the-art
Possible spelling mistake found.
machineries
which enable him to have more spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. As this example clarifies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
could not engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
hobbies as much as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on account of limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
were available in the past.

In addition
, nowadays, there are various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has enabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to try things they prefer. One of the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyments
is travelling.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
airplanes and automobiles have caused a tremendous reduction in travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Continental travel is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
possible, and travelling has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
become as a fashion. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better off compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
Therefore
, they can afford flight fees while in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
neither could afford long distant trips nor was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
well-developed. It can
undoubtedly
understand from this explanation why
currently
we
are inclined
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
hobbies
considerably
more than our ancestors.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high amount of works and the related pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concentrate on their professions more than having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. They are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
forced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pace with the working environment which results in having less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyments
. I am against of this notion as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
enables employees to perform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
even in their home. These days, there are various kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers can choose whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they like to apply. This option was rare in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
due to the lack of available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.
Furthermore
, distance learning has made education more convenient and students can choose between a huge range of universities and schools to continue their studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their hobbies.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
, tending to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
options for everything from sport and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
77Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO5. People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment, doing things they like to do, rather than doing things they should do. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
528 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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