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TPO 8. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertised directed towards children (aged two or five) should not be allowed. v.2

TPO 8. Television advertised directed towards children (aged two or five) should not be allowed. v. 2
Without any shadow of doubt, the media has profound impact on modern people, especially young generations. Some think that there should be restrictions on advertisements, targeting children up to five years old due to the serious impacts these kinds of advertisements have on them. Others, on the other hand, have the opposite viewpoint, believing that there is not necessarily to impose restrictions on such advertisements. As far as I am concerned, I hold the former opinion since these kinds of advertisements are physically and emotionally harmful for children who are very impression, . In the following argument, some evidence is addressed to substantiate my point of view. To start with, television advertisements aiming young children have detrimental effect on children' s health. Most advertisements shows interesting and inducing scenes of unhealthy foods such as chips and fast foods, stimulating children to eat these foods. When parents bring their children to a supermarket, every now and then, children insist to convince their parent to buy for them chocolates, chips and biscuits. Suffice to say that, fast food restaurants such as McDonalds and KFC contribute millions of dollars for advertisements in TV and as a result both the young generation and parents like to try foods in these restaurants rather than eating homemade food which has much more ingredients and vitamins. Airing advertisements also encourage children having sedentary lifestyle. Instead of going out and playing with other children, they sit in their home and watching TV advertisements since these programs are very attractive for them. If parents and the government as a whole like to have well-being future generation, they should control children watching advertisements. As all these examples have clearly shown, advertisements have serious effects on the health of our next generations and there should be some restrictions regarding broadcasting advertisements which target children. In addition, advertisements have adverse impact on social development of the children if they air without suitable control system. Nowadays, children reluctantly engage in conversations and they are inclined to play with their IPad or watching TVs. TVs programs especially advertisements has caused children to be isolated themselves. Consequently, children cannot make connection with the others, the trend which will have detrimental effects on their future life as an adult. Moreover, some advertisements show aggressive and action scenes which motivate aggressive and unacceptable behaviours. All these effects would have serious ramifications for our children. Therefore, putting ban on advertisements goes a long way towards having mentally grown up people who can engage in social activity and use their time more efficiently. Some may claim that advertising industry is an integrated element of having a successful business. However, most of the promising and profitable companies gain their reputation from providing high quality and state-of-the-art products rather than waste millions of dollars for advertising their products in TVs. It can undoubtedly understood that without a proper restriction, we cannot expect having mentally healthy and successful people in the future. In conclusion, I do agree with the notion that advertisements targeting children should be banned. This policy will help children to be more sociable and healthier and finally will go along way towards having better and socially acceptable community in the future.
Without any shadow of doubt, the media has profound impact on modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
young generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restrictions
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
up to five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
due to the serious impacts these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have on them. Others, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, have the opposite viewpoint, believing that there is not
necessarily
to impose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restrictions
on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. As far as I
am concerned
, I hold the former opinion since these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
physically
and
emotionally
harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
impression
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
In the following argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidence
is addressed
to substantiate my point of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
aiming young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s health. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
interesting and inducing scenes of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as chips and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, stimulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to eat these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a supermarket, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
The usual collocation for "insist" is "on" not "to". Did you mean "insist on convincing"?
insist to convince
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
for them chocolates, chips and biscuits. Suffice to say that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants such as
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
and KFC contribute millions of dollars for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in TV and
as a result
both the young generation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
like to try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in these restaurants
rather
than eating homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which has much more ingredients and vitamins. Airing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
also
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
sedentary lifestyle.
Instead
of going out and playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they sit in their home and watching TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
since these programs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive for them. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as a whole like to have well-being future generation, they should control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. As all these examples have
clearly
shown,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have serious effects on the health of our
next
generations and there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restrictions
regarding broadcasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which target children.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have adverse impact on social development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they air without suitable control system. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
reluctantly
engage in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
conversations and
they
are inclined
to play with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
IPad
or watching TVs. TVs programs
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
has caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be isolated
themselves.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
connection with the others, the trend which will have detrimental effects on their future life as an adult.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
aggressive and action scenes which motivate aggressive and unacceptable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. All these effects would have serious ramifications for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, putting ban on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
goes a long way towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
mentally grown up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who can engage in social activity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their time more
efficiently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may claim that advertising industry is an integrated element of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a successful business.
However
, most of the promising and profitable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
gain their reputation from providing high quality and state-of-the-art products
rather
than waste millions of dollars for advertising their products in TVs. It can
undoubtedly
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "understand"
understood
that without a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restriction
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
mentally healthy and successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the future.

In conclusion
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be banned
. This policy will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more sociable and healthier and
finally
will go along way towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
better and
socially
acceptable community in the future.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay TPO 8. Television advertised directed towards children (aged two or five) should not be allowed. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
532 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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