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TPO47do you agree or disagree? It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v.2

TPO47 It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v. 2
Every day, numerous phenomena are happening all over the world. This issue weather people have to be aware of these events or not has engendered copious controversies among people. Although a certain conclusion cannot be made, in spite of all undeniable merits of having knowledge about them, I, to a great extent, hold this viewpoint that it is unnecessary to know about this kind of phenomena. Among countless reasons, which can vindicate my point of view, I will mention the two conspicuous ones through the following paragraphs. The first reason that juts out of my mind easily at the first moment of thinking about this issue is the fact that; definitely, trying to know these events is not a good use of time since they will not affect your life. This claim is thanks to the fact that different people do not do identical things in the same situation. Therefore, for example, if you are aware of an event, which happened in another country before, and know its results, it is unlikely that you react like people who were in that situation and have experienced this event before. Hence, having knowledge about these events, people will lose their precious time, and it will not be beneficial. The second and equally exquisite proof for this assertion is about this importance that there are a host of events happening all over the world in each moment. Therefore, it is impossible for an individual to follow all of them. On the other hand, people cannot realize that which one is more important and can be helpful in their lives. Since, recognizing significant events is an infeasible task, making attempts to recognize all event just makes people feel confused and nervous. For example, a research conducted by some scientists in my country has shown that almost 70 percent of people who do not follow events, are more calm and can take better decisions. As it is clear, it is more productive for individuals to not be aware of happening phenomena. To make a long story short, according to the aforementioned arguments, we may draw the conclusion that it can be more advantageous for people not to be informed of event happening around the world. This conclusion is due to this importance that by doing so not only will they use their time better but also having information about all events is not possible. Therefore, people should not know these events.
Every day, numerous phenomena are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
all over the world. This issue weather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be aware of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
or not has engendered copious controversies among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although a certain conclusion cannot
be made
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
all undeniable merits of having knowledge about them, I, to a great extent, hold this viewpoint that it is unnecessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about this kind of phenomena. Among countless reasons, which can vindicate my point of view, I will mention the two conspicuous ones through the following paragraphs.

The
first
reason that juts out of my mind
easily
at the
first
moment of thinking about this issue is the fact that; definitely, trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of time since they will not affect your life. This claim is thanks to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not do identical things in the same situation.
Therefore
,
for example
, if you are aware of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
, which happened in another country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
its results, it is unlikely that you react like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were in that situation and have experienced this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Hence
, having knowledge about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will lose their precious time, and it will not be beneficial.

The second and
equally
exquisite proof for this assertion is about this importance that there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "hosts"?
host
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
all over the world in each moment.
Therefore
, it is impossible for an individual to follow all of them.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot realize that which one is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and can be helpful in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Since, recognizing significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is an infeasible task, making attempts to recognize all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel confused and nervous.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientists in my country has shown that almost 70 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, are more calm and can take better decisions. As it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, it is more productive for individuals to not be aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
phenomena.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a long story short, according to the aforementioned arguments, we may draw the conclusion that it can be more advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to
be informed
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
around the world. This conclusion is due to this importance that by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their time better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
having information about all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is not possible.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO47 It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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