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TPO41Do you agree or disagree? Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they were nowadays. v.2

TPO41 Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they were nowadays. v. 2
Throughout history, education has been one of the important factors in all civilized societies. Genuinely, it determines that how much our society is successful. Although a plethora of people hold the opinion that teachers were more appreciated in the past, others disagree with this point of view and believe that all nations are aware of this importance that teachers play extremely significant roles in the society and value their jobs. I, to a great extent, hold the former viewpoint. Among countless reasons, which can vindicate my point of view, I will mention the two most conspicuous ones through the following paragraphs. The first reason that juts out of my mind is about the fact that teachers would have received more money in the past. Indeed, their salaries were the same of other careers, such as architectures, engineers and so forth. In the contrary, their wages are lower than the average in the present time, and they have to work very hard to earn their livings. This means that societies and above of all governments do not pay any attention on them. In such a situation, people feel that teachers are not effective in the society and ignore their paramount role. The second and equally proof for this assertion is about this importance that a grate hosts of individuals were illiterate, and believed that in order to make their lives better, the presence of educators in the society is essential. However, by technology development human beings’ access to a hoard of information through the internet, social networks and many other similar means, has improved. Since most of people are more knowledgeable than the past, they deny the importance of education as well as educators. For instance, the noteworthy statistics revealed by a recently conducted research in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology shown that over 90 percent of high school students are not willing to attend their classes. In this survey theses students prefer to study their lessons by themselves and take part in online courses since they believe that in this way, not only can they enhance their information effectively but also this way of study is far more convenient. Consequently, learners do not appreciate teachers more than the past. To make a long story short, based on the aforementioned arguments, we may draw the conclusion that nowadays teachers are not acknowledged as much as they were in the past. This contention is due to the fact that not only are their social levels get worse but also the student are not interested to be taught by teachers.
Throughout history, education has been one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors in all civilized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
.
Genuinely
, it determines that how much our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is successful. Although a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
were more appreciated in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, others disagree with this point of view and believe that all nations are aware of this importance that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play
extremely
significant roles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and value their jobs. I, to a great extent, hold the former viewpoint. Among countless reasons, which can vindicate my point of view, I will mention the two most conspicuous ones through the following paragraphs.

The
first
reason that juts out of my mind is about the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
would have received more money in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
Indeed
, their salaries were the same of other careers, such as architectures, engineers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. In the contrary, their wages are lower than the average in the present time, and they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn their livings. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and above of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
do not pay any attention on them. In such a situation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are not effective in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their paramount role.

The second and
equally
proof for this assertion is about this importance that a grate hosts of individuals were illiterate, and believed that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better, the presence of educators in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is essential.
However
, by technology development human beings’ access to a hoard of information through the internet, social networks and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other similar means, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. Since most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more knowledgeable than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, they deny the importance of education
as well
as educators.
For instance
, the noteworthy statistics revealed by
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "recently conducted research".
a recently conducted research
in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology shown that over 90 percent of high school students are not willing to attend their classes. In this survey
Did you mean "these"?
theses
students prefer to study their lessons by themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in online courses since they believe that in this way, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can they enhance their information
effectively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
this way of study is far more convenient.
Consequently
, learners do not appreciate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
more than the past.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a long story short, based on the aforementioned arguments, we may draw the conclusion that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are not acknowledged as much as they were in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. This contention is due to the fact that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are their social levels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the student are not interested to
be taught
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO41 Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they were nowadays. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
427 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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