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TPO-47: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v.1

TPO-47: It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v. 1
Although, many human being's perspective towards the readable items are that, it loses its essential values in the sector of information and entertainment. I completely agree with this statement to a large extent for some reasons. My position is argued further with some explanations. Out of all the argument the strongest one to prove my point is that in this technological world, everyone prefers online materials to increase their vocals and gain knowledge. moreover, from this apparatus we can get everything in detail with full explanation. For instance, in the present time every institution uses the latest gadgets to explain all the descendants by giving some useful examples. Besides this, books have only limited answers available that confused mankind. By this I mean, references have to hard method that only few public can understand that easily. The other reason to prove my point is that, in this world, the majority of students use online magazine for the entertainment purpose as well as they play various types of games online. In addition to this, television also plays an important role in entertainment part. This is to say, as technology developed we can see everything on smart box. Apart from this, laymen also use such applications such as Netflix, amazon prime video, hotter and many more. for example, in this developed world, half portion of the people prefers to read every little details online and they even read newspaper on it. However, I would not overlook the other side too. To begin with, it is also indispensable for general people understand the value of books. As this have their important place in the reader's life. Also, people can enhance the reading skills after reading many books. For instance, in some schools, teachers only prefer books rather than online technologies. Because, it is a boon for the student's development. Thus, to conclude the discussion, it can finally be said finally said that despite the fact of using books. I believe online items are logically rational.
Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
human being's perspective towards the readable items are that, it loses its essential values in the sector of information and entertainment. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement to a large extent for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. My position
is argued
further
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
explanations.

Out of all the argument the strongest one to prove my point is that in this technological world, everyone prefers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
materials to increase their vocals and gain knowledge.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, from this apparatus we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
everything in detail with full explanation.
For instance
, in the present time every institution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
the latest gadgets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
all the descendants by giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful examples.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited answers available that confused mankind. By this I mean, references
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
method that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few public can understand that
easily
.

The other reason to prove my point is that, in this world, the majority of students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
magazine for the entertainment purpose
as well
as they play various types of games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
In addition
to this, television
also
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in entertainment part. This is to say, as technology developed we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everything on smart box. Apart from this, laymen
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such applications such as Netflix,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
amazon prime
video, hotter and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, in this developed world, half portion of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefers to read every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
online and
they even read newspaper on it.

However
, I would not overlook the other side too. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
also
indispensable for general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
this have their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
place in the reader's life.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can enhance the reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
after reading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools, teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
technologies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, it is a boon for the student's development.

Thus
,
to conclude
the discussion, it can
finally
be said
finally
said that despite the fact of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
items are
logically
rational.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-47: It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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