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TPO-50Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All university students should be required to take history courses no matter what their field of study is. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO-50 All university students should be required to take history courses no matter what their field of study is. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Education is one of the most crucial factors in our society. Due to its paramount importance, efforts for elevating its effectiveness has been always among nations’ top priorities. This issue whether or not which courses students should pass during their studies has engendered copious controversies among people. Although a certain conclusion cannot be made, I, to a considerable extent, hold this viewpoint that history courses should be taken by all students. Among countless reasons, which can vindicate my point of view, I will mention the two most conspicuous ones through the following paragraphs. The first reason that juts out of my mind easily at the first moment of thinking about this issue is the fact that studying about history makes learners more knowledgeable about previous phenomena. Therefore, their horizons will broaden. Since it is likely that some events recur during the history, if these students encounter with similar events, they are be able to cope with them easily and take excellent decisions, which means that they are more successful in their lives. For instance, the noteworthy statistics revealed by a recently conducted research in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) shown that taking one or more history courses by students has an undeniable effect on the decisions that are taken by them. Genuinely, their decisions have better results than the others(? ). Consequently, it is highly recommended that all learners pass such courses. The second and equally exquisite proof for this assertion is about this importance that possessing some information in this field is very important since history is culture. As a matter of fact, by learning about history, students are be able to enhance their knowledge about all countries’ culture as well as many other similar events, such as governments’ development, wars and so forth. To shed more light on this matter, consider a student who has not taken any history courses. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, he has not any background information about historical phenomenal and nations. Hence, for example, if he decides to visit a historical place, he will not enjoy it at all since he does not know its importance and its tremendous impact on the culture. Therefore, the more individuals know about history, the more they will enjoy their visits. To make a long story short, based on the aforementioned arguments, we may draw the conclusion that it can be more advantage if all university students be required to attend in history classes. This contention is thanks to this importance that not only do history courses enhance the students’ knowledge, but also it is the culture and they have to learn about it. The more the students learn about history, the more benefits(c) they will gain.
Education is one of the most crucial factors in our society. Due to its paramount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
, efforts for elevating its effectiveness has been always among nations’ top priorities. This issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should pass during their studies has engendered copious controversies among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Although a certain conclusion cannot
be made
, I, to a considerable extent, hold this viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
should
be taken
by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Among countless reasons, which can vindicate my point of view, I will mention the two most conspicuous ones through the following paragraphs.

The
first
reason that juts out of my mind
easily
at the
first
moment of thinking about this issue is the fact that studying about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
learners more knowledgeable about previous phenomena.
Therefore
, their horizons will broaden. Since it is likely that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
recur during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
encounter with similar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, they are
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
able to cope with them
easily
and take excellent decisions, which means that they are more successful in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, the noteworthy statistics revealed by
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "recently conducted research".
a recently conducted research
in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) shown that taking one or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has an undeniable effect on the decisions that
are taken
by them.
Genuinely
, their decisions have better results than the others(?
Loose punctuation mark.
)
.
Consequently
, it is
highly
recommended that all learners pass such courses.

The second and
equally
exquisite proof for this assertion is about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
that possessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information in this field is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. As a matter of fact, by learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
able to enhance their knowledge about all countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other similar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
’ development, wars and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. To shed more light on this matter, consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who has not taken any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, he has not any background information about historical phenomenal and nations.
Hence
,
for example
, if he decides to visit a historical place, he will not enjoy it at all since he does not know its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
and its tremendous impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Therefore
, the more individuals know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, the more they will enjoy their visits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a long story short, based on the aforementioned arguments, we may draw the conclusion that it can be more advantage if all university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
be required
to attend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
classes. This contention is thanks to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
culture and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn about it. The more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, the more benefits(c) they will gain.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-50 All university students should be required to take history courses no matter what their field of study is. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
452 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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