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TPO47- It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life v.2

TPO47- It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life v. 2
Over the past few decades, the issue of whether it is benefical to know about world events despite the lack of any effects on our daily life has received a great deal of attention from people and societis. Although some may argue that the knowing the events around the world can be time-consuming, I as well as many others believe that the advantages of the knowledge outweight it disadvantages and it could enhance the general information of the people, and the following explanations will further elaborate on this perspective. First and foremost, a paramount reason why it is better for the people to perceive what is happening all around the world is that by having this information they could be helpful for other people who are in others regions. For instance, in 2010, a tsunami had crashed the indonesia and brought about plenty numbers of deathes. People all around the world sent them enormous aid packages due to to the reason that indonesians' people had not even basic requierments for their lifes. This help was the result of the attentioning of the people about to the events that happen all around the worlds and not only their countries. A further reason for this view is that being familiar with the affairs which happen throughout the world could be beneficial for their general information. This means that people could be familiar with other countries and either their cultures or their political views. As a matter of fact, this knowledge would help them to improve their sights and thei children' s perspectives as well due to the reason that they could receive adequate information from the news. Take juveniles as an example, if they want to know about some countries for their assignements or for their personal improvement, their parents who are familiar with the other regions events would be helpful for them. Finally, it is occasionally said that the one of the basis of the human being life is depend on the communication with each others. In fact, people should have some topics to be able to comminucate with each others. As a result, the worlds events are a reliable source for people to have communication with their colleagues or their relatives. In addition, they would be able to participate in general associations like red-cross or political parties since they have information about the world' s events. In brief, contemplating all the aforementioned reasons, I can draw the conclusion that being familiar with events that happening all around the world is significant chiefly due to the reasons that this knowledge not only enhance the role of the people in helping each others during disasters but also could augment their information about the world.
Over the past few decades, the issue of whether it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefical
to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
despite the lack of any effects on our daily life has received a great deal of attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
societis
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that the knowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
can be time-consuming, I
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others believe that the advantages of the knowledge
Possible spelling mistake found.
outweight
it disadvantages and it could enhance the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and the following explanations will
further
elaborate on this perspective.

First
and foremost, a paramount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why it is better for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to perceive what is happening all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is that by having this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
they could be helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in others regions.
For instance
, in 2010, a tsunami had crashed the
Possible spelling mistake found.
indonesia
and brought about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
numbers of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "deaths", the plural form of the noun 'death'?
deathes
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
them enormous aid packages due
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
indonesians&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had not even basic
Possible spelling mistake found.
requierments
for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
was the result of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
attentioning
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that happen all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worlds
and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their countries.

A
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for this view is that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
with the affairs which happen throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
could be beneficial for their general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries and either their cultures or their political views. As a matter of fact, this knowledge would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their sights and
Possible spelling mistake found.
thei
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s perspectives
as well
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that they could receive adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from the news. Take juveniles as an example, if they want to know about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
assignements
or for their personal improvement, their parents who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
regions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
would be helpful for them.

Finally
, it is
occasionally
said that the one of the basis of the human being life is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on the communication with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
topics to be able to
Possible spelling mistake found.
comminucate
with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worlds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are a reliable source for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have communication with their colleagues or their relatives.
In addition
, they would be able to participate
in general
associations like red-cross or political parties since they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
world&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

In brief
, contemplating all the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, I can draw the conclusion that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that happening all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is significant
chiefly
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that this knowledge not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance the role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in helping each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
during disasters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
could augment their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO47- It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
452 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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