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Libraries should focus on improving their technological resources rather than on building a large collection of paper books To what extent do you agree v.1

Libraries should focus on improving their technological resources rather than on building a large collection of paper books 1
There is an issue about adopting modern technologies in libraries. Some librarians think that it will have a positive effect on its guests. This essay disagrees with their point of view. Let us start with reasons why some librarians suggest that libraries should concentrate on modern devices. The first reason is that visitors can find information online. It often happens that library guests cannot find a book, so they can find an electronical version of it on the web through the free wi-fi connection sitting at computers. Another reason is that many readers use laptops. To do some research, students can take books and perform their calculation on their personal computers with a wi-fi connection in the library. Furthermore, public clubs can use large screens to demonstrate presentations. Various meeting, such as Toastmaster, often rent projectors as well as computers from the library, because their participants need to show visual part of their presentation. However, some readers state that libraries should house books rather than technologies. Firstly, technological devices often disturb other readers. Visitors usually complain to the library administrator about annoying sounds, which comes from other visitors with, for instance, smartphones in the auditorium, while they are attempting to focus on reading. Secondly, books are more convenient. Many people cannot read from either computer screens or mobile phones, so they usually need paper books, which they can find in the library. Moreover, people can escape modern gadgets. Libraries are usually considered places, where people can feel free from both devices and the Internet, which are pervasive today. In conclusion, although some readers state that libraries should pay more attention on books, I think that they should equip some rooms with computers and wi-fi routers as well.
There is an issue about adopting modern technologies in libraries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
librarians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on its guests. This essay disagrees with their point of view.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
librarians suggest that libraries should concentrate on modern devices. The
first
reason is that visitors can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
information online. It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
happens that library guests cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
an
Possible spelling mistake found.
electronical
version of it on the web through the free
Possible spelling mistake found.
wi-fi
connection sitting at computers. Another reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
readers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
laptops. To do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research, students can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and perform their calculation on their personal computers with a
Possible spelling mistake found.
wi-fi
connection in the library.
Furthermore
, public clubs can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
large screens to demonstrate presentations. Various meeting, such as Toastmaster,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
rent projectors
as well
as computers from the library,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their participants need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
visual part of their presentation.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
readers state that libraries should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
rather
than technologies.
Firstly
, technological devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
disturb other readers. Visitors
usually
complain to the library administrator about annoying sounds, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from other visitors with,
for instance
, smartphones in the auditorium, while they are attempting to focus on reading.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are more convenient.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot read from either computer screens or mobile phones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
usually
need paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, which they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
in the library.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can escape modern gadgets. Libraries are
usually
considered places, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can feel free from both devices and the Internet, which are pervasive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
readers state that libraries should pay more attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should equip
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rooms with computers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wi-fi
routers
as well
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Libraries should focus on improving their technological resources rather than on building a large collection of paper books 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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