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TPO32- Independent Writing-Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

TPO32- Independent Writing-Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole. v. 1
Country's development relies on who conducts the realm and it can be any sector. Ministry can spend wealth on the arts. However, by utilising more pay on public services people can get profound benefits. My writing supports that investment in the arts is not necessary for every individual and it would be better, if the government uses property according to public demand. This essay will describe why the fund is useful for public services such as education and sports retain a grateful effect to the nation's development. Students are great bless to a kingdom and they can solve anything, if they get proper instruction. To illustrate, regime can make schools and colleges with modern facilities like as multimedia classroom large premises and so on. These are extremely beneficial for increasing their inner and outer knowledge. When youngsters will do well in, their examination, the government can give them scholarship for making more interest in the study. BD news 24 revealed a news that in the Bangladesh majority of school students get educational things before starting their class in school. Sports are profitable side of keeping nation's economy stable. Moreover, for deriving more wage by this portion politics should expense for making a better way. Though in the modern world, it is expensive, it is bearable for a country conductor. Even the sports authority can arrange sport events for giving people amusement and taking cash by ticket from them and this money keeps a great impact on economic sector. Times, which is a renowned magazine all over the world exposed that Australia earns a large number of payments through sports. In conclusion, education is an indispensable route in the changing country face and also gaming sectors can rise the economic rate. I think that music and theatre are not youthful sectors rather than public services.
Country's development relies on who conducts the realm and it can be any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. Ministry can spend wealth on the arts.
However
, by
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
more pay on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
profound benefits. My writing supports that investment in the arts is not necessary for every individual and it would be better, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
property according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
demand. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
why the fund is useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services such as education and sports retain a grateful effect to the nation's development.

Students are great bless to a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kingdom and
they can solve anything, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper instruction. To illustrate, regime can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
schools and colleges with modern facilities like as multimedia classroom large premises and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. These are
extremely
beneficial for increasing their inner and outer knowledge. When youngsters will do well in, their examination, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can give them scholarship for making more interest in the study.
The genitive is possibly missing.
BD news
24 revealed
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "news".
a news
that in the Bangladesh majority of school students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educational things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in school.

Sports are profitable side of keeping nation's economy stable.
Moreover
, for deriving more wage by this portion politics should expense for making a better way. Though in the modern world, it is expensive, it is bearable for a country conductor. Even the sports authority can arrange sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
for giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
amusement and taking cash by ticket from them and this money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
a great impact on economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. Times, which is a renowned magazine all over the world exposed that Australia earns
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
payments through sports.

In conclusion
, education is an indispensable route in the changing country face and
also
gaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
can rise the economic rate. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
are not youthful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay TPO32- Independent Writing-Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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