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TPO30 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours v.2

TPO30 It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours v. 2
Working hour is directly related to the productivity of the workers. Some companies set a long working hour per day and a few days per week whereas, others make their rule that allows a shorter working hour per day relatively more days per week. Personally, I believe that it is better to work shorter hours for more days per week. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, shorter working hours per day allows workers to do their job more actively so that the productivity of the employees can be increased. Shorter the working hour per day, employees will feel less depressed due to the working load. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. 10 years ago, I worked in a CG company. I had to work 12 hours per day and 3 days per week. This caused me a lot of trouble and depressed, as a result, I had made a decision to leave my job and searched for a new job. I was able to get a job in the next company, where, I have to work 6 hours per day and 5 days per week, which I continue till this date. So, it is better to set rules and regulations so that the employees are able to continue their job and perform their tasks with greater efforts. Secondly, longer working hours per day have a negative impact on the health of the individual worker. Longer hours per day to work, workers feel discomfort, which might result in serious health problems in the later stage. For instance, 5 years ago, my friend, Balaram Chalise worked in a hospital, where he had to work 14 hours per day and 2 days per week. Initially, there were not any health issues, but with the passage of time, he suffered from mental disorders and nowadays he take bed rest. So, even if the symptoms are not present immediately, but longer working hours per day might have negative consequences on the health in the long run. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that shorter working hours per day for many days per week is far more better than the long working hour per day for fewer days per week. This is because shorter working hours per day enables workers to feel more energetic and act accordingly and because longer working hours per day may cause serious health issues in the workers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
is
directly
related to the productivity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
set a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
per day and a few days per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
whereas, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
per day
relatively
more days per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
Personally
, I believe that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for more days per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
more
actively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the productivity of the employees can
be increased
. Shorter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
per day, employees will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
less depressed due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
load. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. 10 years ago, I worked in a CG
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. I had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day and 3 days per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. This caused me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
trouble and depressed,
as a result
, I had made a decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and searched for a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the
next
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, where, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day and 5 days per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, which I continue till this date.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is better to set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the employees are able to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and perform their tasks with greater efforts.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
discomfort, which might result in serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems in the later stage.
For instance
, 5 years ago, my friend,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Balaram
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chalise
worked in a hospital, where he had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day and 2 days per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
Initially
, there were not any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the passage of time, he suffered from mental disorders and nowadays he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "takes", "took".
take
bed rest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, even if the symptoms are not present immediately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the long run.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
days per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
is far
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
than the long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
per day for fewer days per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
more energetic and act
accordingly
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day may cause serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
65Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO30 It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
412 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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