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TPO3-independentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. v.1

TPO3-independent It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. v. 1
The technological development has grown up rapidly. Particularly, the invention of the internet enhances to link between the people due to applications of network messengers. I strongly agree with the statement because some researchers have been carried out of communication. Thus, phone and the internet have an important role which is transferring the data to the long distance from the host. Firstly, the technology is that the phone has invaded most of the population and has included new user to the network services day by day. Therefore, phones have become part of our life. There is significant benefit to expect personal addiction. For instance, the population hyper-fast connect to each other. Thus, every person can monitor about friends or strangers. Although there might be some drawbacks, the connection has increased security. Another significant example is that people could link to more users at the same time via their phones. The most important part of the development communication is the internet user. All networks are established on the internet. Nevertheless, except for the phones, if the user finds an internet by any device, the people can find the other message services expect their phones. For instance, all our phone sync with the host's clouds. Thus the clouds provide us the our data from the network. The people will be using this cloud until the existence of the internet. In conclusion, Although, there is seen many ways to connect them between people, the phone utilizes to meet the people on online. So, the host provides more server for development of the communication and the one touch on the phone can connect to your relations and friends.
The technological development has grown up
rapidly
.
Particularly
, the invention of the internet enhances to link between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to applications of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
messengers. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers have
been carried
out of communication.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and the internet have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role which is transferring the data to the long distance from the host.

Firstly
, the technology is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has invaded most of the population and has included new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
services day by day.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have become part of our life. There is significant benefit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
personal addiction.
For instance
, the population hyper-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
connect to each other.
Thus
, every person can monitor about friends or strangers. Although there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, the connection has increased security. Another significant example is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could link to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
at the same time via their phones.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the development communication is the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
are established
on the internet.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
finds an internet by any device, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find the other message services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
For instance
, all our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
sync with the host's clouds.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the clouds provide us
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our data" or "the data"?
the our data
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be using this cloud until the existence of the internet.

In conclusion
, Although, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to connect them between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
utilizes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on online.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the host provides more server for development of the communication and the one touch on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can connect to your relations and friends.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO3-independent It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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