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tpo16-task 2: Some people who unexpectedly receive a large amount of money spend it on practical things, while others spend it for pleasure only. Which do you think is better and why? v.1

tpo16-task 2: Some people who unexpectedly receive a large amount of money spend it on practical things, while others spend it for pleasure only. Which do you think is better and why? v. 1
The advancement in the modern infrastructure has created ease in our lives. It is essential to consider the building of the public parks and sports stadiums instead of shopping malls, while designing a new town. I completely agree that gardens and sports stadiums must be part of the infrastructure. In this competitive era, it is mandated to spend the free time with family at an attractive place. Shopping malls are such areas, which can provide every facility ranging from designer dresses to availability of a variety of cuisines. Hence, considering its positive impact on human life to avoid stress and a place for leisure activities, shopping malls should be a part of the development of a new town. The public parks must be built because fresh air is beneficial for our health. Due to availability of greenery near the home motivates the masses to stay active and smart. In addition, sports facilities must be provided to the inhabitants of the new town to pursue various kinds of sport as a profession. As an illustration, my niece started practicing gymnastics at a local stadium. The facilities provided at the stadium helped her to refine her skills and eventually she excelled in the field of gymnastics. Therefore, healthy benefits of the greenery and the sports facilities, advantages are undeniable and must be think off, while planning a new town. To conclude, many believe that the plan of building a new town must include more public parks and sports facilities rather than shopping malls, where people can spend their leisure time. I completely agree that gardens and sports stadiums must be built and this trend will increase in foreseeable future.
The advancement in the modern infrastructure has created
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It is essential to consider the building of the public parks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadiums
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, while designing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
town. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that gardens and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadiums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be part of the infrastructure.

In this competitive era, it
is mandated
to spend the free time with family at an attractive place.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are such areas, which can provide every facility ranging from designer dresses to availability of a variety of cuisines.
Hence
, considering its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on human life to avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and a place for leisure activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
should be a part of the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
town.

The public parks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be built
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
fresh air is beneficial for our health. Due to availability of greenery near the home motivates the masses to stay active and smart.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
to the inhabitants of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
town to pursue various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a profession. As an illustration, my niece
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
practicing gymnastics at a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadium
. The facilities provided at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadium
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
her to refine her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
eventually
she excelled in the field of gymnastics.
Therefore
, healthy benefits of the greenery and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities, advantages are undeniable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using a past participle here: "thought".
think
Did you mean "of"?
off
, while planning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
town.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that the plan of building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
town
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include more public parks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can spend their leisure time. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that gardens and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stadiums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be built
and this trend will increase in foreseeable future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay tpo16-task 2: Some people who unexpectedly receive a large amount of money spend it on practical things, while others spend it for pleasure only. Which do you think is better and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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