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TPO3 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends v.2

TPO3 It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends v. 2
To meet other people is to expand our views of the world and get out of our comfort zone. This can result in new friendships that can have positive impacts on your future. Personally, I belive that is more important make news friends than to keep old friends. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. To begin with, make news friends will increase your experience with differents Peoples and also will provide for you otherwise of thought. So, when you do it, you will be able to discover others cultures, habits and religions. Moreover, you will get more experience of life, because you will get different points of view. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. About four years ago, I traveled alone to Gold Coast-Australia. At the time, I was complety alone in a different country. However, after 1 week I made news friends and it was a great manner to understand differents cultures. For this reason, I increased my life experiences. Secondly, make news friends is a good form to do a network in your career. Knows different persons could help you make news friends and also provide for you a network in your career. This is because it will increase the people that you know. For instance, when my dad was doing a observership program at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami, he made a friend called Jon. This man was the most influences Cardiologist in America. Consequently it my dad got a good letter of recommendation and got a goog job his home country. As a result, he has been working in the best hospital of cardiology in Brazil. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that make news friends will provide for you more benefits in your life. This is because you will get diferrents ways of thinking and because you can increase your network in career.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
to expand our views of the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of our comfort zone. This can result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friendships that can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on your future.
Personally
,
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
that is
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
than to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
will increase your experience with
Possible spelling mistake found.
differents
Peoples and
also
will provide for you
otherwise
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when you do it, you will be able to discover others cultures, habits and religions.
Moreover
, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more experience of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
points of view. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. About four years ago, I traveled alone to Gold Coast-Australia. At the time, I was
Possible spelling mistake found.
complety
alone in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
country.
However
, after 1 week I made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and it was a great manner to understand
Possible spelling mistake found.
differents
cultures.
For this reason
, I increased my life experiences.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
form to do a network in your career. Knows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
persons could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
also
provide for you a network in your career. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that you know.
For instance
, when my dad was doing
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
observership program at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami, he made a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
called Jon. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
was the most influences Cardiologist in America.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
it my dad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
letter of recommendation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
goog
job his home country.
As a result
, he has been working in the best hospital of cardiology in Brazil.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
will provide for you more benefits in your life. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
diferrents
ways of thinking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can increase your network in career.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO3 It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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