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TPO3 #1- What characteristics do you think make someone a good parent? Explain why these characteristics are important to you. v.1

TPO3 #1- What characteristics do you think make someone a good parent? Explain why these characteristics are important to you. v. 1
As our society progresses and the quality of life increases, more elderly are living longer in various parts of the globe. I believe that this development has both positive and negative effects on our society and this essay will explore the reasons why. On the one hand, the amount of old folks having longer life expectancies signifies a better standard of living. This is credited to our advancement in sanitisation and medical care, all of which are an added advantage to us. With the ascent in the amount of senior citizens, they could, in return, help to take care of the young children while the adults are at work. This allows the elderly to enjoy the company of the young, while being able to babysit them at the same time. On the other hand, too many old people would mean that the working force would have to be taxed higher and they would have to work harder to support the elderly. This would lead to a drain in the nation’s taxes as a larger portion would have to be set aside to support this need. Moreover, the rise in the number of senior citizens must also be balanced out by the increase in the number of young people. In some developed countries like Japan and France, the increase in the number of elderly could be viewed as a negative development as that meant their population as a whole was experiencing a low birth rate. To conclude, it is a positive development that more people are able to live longer and it should be celebrated. However, the rise in the elderly must also be proportionate to the rise in babies in order for each country to ensure that their population remains well balanced. A country that swings in two extremes will not be healthy for everyone.
As our society progresses and the quality of life increases, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
are living longer in various parts of the globe. I believe that this development has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on our society and this essay will explore the reasons why.

On the one hand, the amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
folks having longer life expectancies signifies a better standard of living. This
is credited
to our advancement in
Possible spelling mistake found.
sanitisation
and medical care, all of which are an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
advantage to us. With the ascent in the amount of senior citizens, they could, in return,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to take care of the young children while the adults are at work. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
to enjoy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of the young, while being able to babysit them at the same time.

On the other hand
, too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would mean that the working force would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taxed
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
higher and
they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work harder to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
. This would lead to a drain in the nation’s taxes as a larger portion would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be set
aside to support this need.
Moreover
, the rise in the number of senior citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be balanced
out by the increase in the number of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
like Japan and France, the increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
could
be viewed
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as that meant their population as a whole was experiencing a low birth rate.

To conclude
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development that more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer and it should
be celebrated
.
However
, the rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be proportionate to the rise in babies in order for each country to ensure that their population remains
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well balanced
. A country that swings in two extremes will not be healthy for everyone.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay TPO3 #1- What characteristics do you think make someone a good parent? Explain why these characteristics are important to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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