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TPO28-Q6Using points and examples from the lecture, describe two ways that lakes can disappear. v.1

TPO28-Q6Using points and examples from the lecture, describe two ways that lakes can disappear. v. 1
The increasing amount of crime in many countries is caused by few reasons such as financial gaps and opportunity. However, there are few actions that can be taken to reduce the occurrence of it. This essay will elaborate how to deal with the above mentioned causes. There are a few main causes for a crime to take place, one of the primary reasons is the gaps between the rich and the poor. In some countries, the huge difference is too obvious seen by the eye. The wealthier people can be seen in luxurious houses and cars in their garage, while the poor are trying to survive the day. This condition will trigger some people to act rashly by attempting to steal from the rich. Nonetheless, the government could take part in reducing the gap by introducing higher tax to the rich and channel the fund to help the poor. Another reason for crimes to happen is opportunity. A chance that teases one to act dishonestly such as pickpocket, or molestation. A condition as such can be reduced by a proper mass education to the community on how crime may happen to them unconsciously. For example, as simple as clothing style may easily trigger a sexual assault. In addition, The government could also start implementing laws and enforcing it to the perpetrator. In summary, the fact that crimes cannot be avoided at all, there are few things that the government and the community can work together to reduce the number. Furthermore, it is a responsibility borne by all of us and we need to work it out to make a better place for living.
The increasing amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
is caused
by few reasons such as financial gaps and opportunity.
However
, there are few actions that can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the occurrence of it. This essay will elaborate how to deal with the above mentioned causes.

There are a few main causes for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
to take place, one of the primary reasons is the gaps between the rich and the poor. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, the huge difference is too obvious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by the eye. The wealthier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in luxurious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and cars in their garage, while the poor are trying to survive the day. This condition will trigger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to act
rashly
by attempting to steal from the rich. Nonetheless, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in reducing the gap by introducing higher tax to the rich and channel the fund to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poor.

Another reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
to happen is opportunity. A chance that teases one to act
dishonestly
such as pickpocket, or molestation. A condition as such can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by a proper mass education to the community on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
may happen to them
unconsciously
.
For example
, as simple as clothing style may
easily
trigger a sexual assault.
In addition
, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
implementing laws and enforcing it to the perpetrator.

In summary, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
cannot
be avoided
at all, there are few things that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the community can work together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number.
Furthermore
, it is a responsibility borne by all of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
we need to work it out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better place for living.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO28-Q6Using points and examples from the lecture, describe two ways that lakes can disappear. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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