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TPO 29 - Question 6Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two ways a company can diversify. v.1

TPO 29 - Question 6Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two ways a company can diversify. v. 1
Though art is seen as a vital part of various cultures across the globe, only a few acknowledge it. However, they shift their focus to the other streams such as science, technology and business. This is probably due to the lack of awareness about the opportunities and preconceived notions about the arts with comparison to other fields. This essay will focus on the possible reasons for one's inclination towards non-art forms and what could be done to promote artistry. Even though, people appreciate the art for its cultural reflection, many of them opt other fields. The main reason is the perceived notion that one has on the arts. Most of them believe that it is not easy to get desired recognition, if one pursues arts as a career option. Moreover, they think that they might not get regular income as they do in other areas such business or technology jobs and due to lack of awareness about the opportunities available to the artists and craftspersons across the world, which turns the focus of many individuals towards regular streams. Even today, many families in South India do not encourage their children to pursue creative courses. Instead, they force them to take up jobs such as engineering, scientists or doctors. In order to encourage people to take up a course or career in fine arts or performed arts, the government should introduce art classes right from the lower level of education. They should educate children about various art forms and opportunities available to all the artists all over the world. Also, it should encourage the younger generation by offering scholarships, creating platforms to showcase the talents, organise events and so on. Many western countries introduced art classes at the school level itself and children are given freedom to choose according to their interest. Even families should encourage their children to take up such courses. To summarise, if the government takes up an initiative to promote the arts and encourage younger generations to take up such courses, people would definitely opt arts.
Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a vital part of various cultures across the globe,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few acknowledge it.
However
, they shift their focus to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
streams such as science, technology and business. This is
probably
due to the lack of awareness about the opportunities and preconceived notions about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
with comparison to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields. This essay will focus on the possible reasons for one's inclination towards non-art forms and what could
be done
to promote artistry.

Even though
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
appreciate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
for its cultural reflection,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them opt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields. The main reason is the perceived notion that one has on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. Most of them believe that it is not easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
desired recognition, if one pursues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a career option.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
regular income as they do in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas such business or technology jobs and due to lack of awareness about the opportunities available to the artists and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "craftspeople", the plural form of the noun 'craftsperson'?
craftspersons
across the world, which turns the focus of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals towards regular streams. Even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families in South India do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to pursue creative courses.
Instead
, they force them to take up jobs such as engineering, scientists or doctors.

In order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to take up a course or career in fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
or performed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
classes right from the lower level of education. They should educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
forms and opportunities available to all the artists all over the world.
Also
, it should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
the younger generation by offering scholarships, creating platforms to showcase the talents,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
western countries introduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
classes at the school level itself and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom to choose according to their interest. Even families should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take up such courses.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
takes up an initiative to promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
encourage
younger generations to take up such courses,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would definitely opt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay TPO 29 - Question 6Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two ways a company can diversify. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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