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TPO28-Parents today are more involved in their children's education than parents were in the past v.1

TPO28-Parents today are more involved in their children's education than parents were in the past v. 1
During a tense situations’ curfew is implied by the government in order to maintain peace. While in some parts of the united states restrictions are imposed on young adults to stay indoors at night, only if they are along with their guardians. In my opinion, youngsters should be with an adult during such times but in some cases, they can be allowed to go. The main reason why teenagers should go out with an adult during curfew, in order to protect them from any bad influence. This is due to their impressionable minds which may involve them into criminal activities feasibly. For example, if a juvenile does not get a proper guidance from their parents, they may end-up into any serious illegal activity. As a result, it may destroy the innocence of them, and lead them to the wrong path. On the other hand, they should be allowed to go within the limited distance of the house. This is because they can feel independent when they are allowed to go in curfew, for bringing basic items to the house. To illustrate this, if any, emergency arises at home, rather than just staying indoors, they can move out to get some help. In contrast, if they are restricted to be at home, they can become dependent on their parents for everything. Ultimately, encouraging them to be independent with limitations is indispensable. In Conclusion, I believe that although restrictions for teenagers is given during curfew until they are with their parents as this can save them from any danger, but in some situations they should be allowed to go out because this will keep their independence alive.
During a tense situations’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
is implied
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in order to maintain peace. While in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
united states
restrictions
are imposed
on young adults to stay indoors at night,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they are along with their guardians. In my opinion, youngsters should be with an adult during such times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, they can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to go.

The main reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should go out with an adult during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
, in order to protect them from any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence. This is due to their impressionable minds which may involve them into criminal activities
feasibly
.
For example
, if a juvenile does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a proper guidance from their parents, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
-up into any serious illegal activity.
As a result
, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the innocence of them, and lead them to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path.

On the other hand
, they should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to go within the limited distance of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can feel independent when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to go in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
, for bringing basic items to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. To illustrate this, if any, emergency arises at home,
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
staying indoors, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
In contrast
, if they
are restricted
to be at home, they can become dependent on their parents for everything.
Ultimately
, encouraging them to be independent with limitations is indispensable.

In Conclusion
, I believe that although restrictions for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
until they are with their parents as this can save them from any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations they should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to go out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their independence alive.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO28-Parents today are more involved in their children's education than parents were in the past v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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