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Do you agree or disagree with following statement? Parents today are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past. v.3

Parents today are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past. v. 3
It is undeniable that global phenomenon has changed the thinking patterns of people immensely. Therefore, these days more emphasis is given to the meetings, product training and to discuss any matter with the people who are working. Although, this trend is a benefit to provide the overview of new product in company and to gain experience in the job, but the drawbacks such as an immense arrangement for the implementation of these kinds of events and lack of affordability could not be ignored. However, In my opinion, participation in these events is far more advantageous than its disadvantages. To begin with, the greatest benefit of taking part in the organizational events is to get familiar with the new product that company has launched because without the training it would be otherwise impossible for the workers to use that particular product. In addition, being a participant in the business activities means one could gain expertise that how to perform tasks and this would eventually enable the employees to achieve the certain targets as most of the jobs these days are target-oriented and in order to get succeed or to become experienced in the job trainings are entirely necessary. For instance, there have been some recorded instances of people who are performing well in their jobs as they are continuously willing to learn and accept the challenges such as the installation of new software in the company which required specific skills and training for its use. Thus, the introduction of seminars and an event related to the employments are an absolute imperative. Despite this, there are many challenges that a company or employee will face while addressing these kind of tasks. Firstly, for the arrangement point of view, there are certainly a large number of material resources that are required for the successful completion of these events, namely technological gadgets, spacious place for the meetings and much more. Also, for some business enterprises the arrangements are quite challenging and often harder to meet. Secondly, holding the business trainings and meeting is quite expensive for an organization which hinders them to introduce new updates to their business. For example, one research article suggests that 50% of business entrepreneurs in the India lack of providing sufficient training or meetings with their workers due to the less financial sources and required equipments. Overall, proper resources and the cost of the implementation for the training or business meetings are neglecting the workers to be familiar with the advanced ways of performing on the job. In conclusion, in this tech-savvy era globalization has brought an incredible change in the business and these days most of the companies try to update their employees with the latest technology that has been use by them and for this they provide training and organize the group meetings and discussions so that they can involve their workers in this. As far I concerned, it is totally beneficial for the employers as well as employees for the growth of their business.
It is undeniable that global phenomenon has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the thinking patterns of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
immensely
.
Therefore
, these days more emphasis is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and to discuss any matter with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are working. Although, this trend is a benefit to provide the overview of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and to gain experience in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the drawbacks such as an immense arrangement for the implementation of these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and lack of affordability could not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
However
, In my opinion, participation in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is far more advantageous than its disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the greatest benefit of taking part in the organizational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has launched
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
it would be
otherwise
impossible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
In addition
, being a participant in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
activities means one could gain expertise that how to perform tasks and this would
eventually
enable the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to achieve the certain targets as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
these days are target-oriented and in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
succeed or to become experienced in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trainings
are
entirely
necessary.
For instance
, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recorded instances of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are performing well in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as they are
continuously
willing to learn and accept the challenges such as the installation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
software in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which required specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
for its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Thus
, the introduction of seminars and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
related to the employments are an absolute imperative.

Despite this, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
will face while addressing
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of tasks.
Firstly
, for the arrangement point of view, there are
certainly
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
material resources that
are required
for the successful completion of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
namely
technological gadgets, spacious place for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and much more.
Also
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
enterprises the arrangements are quite challenging and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
Secondly
, holding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trainings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
is quite expensive for an organization which hinders them to introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
updates to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
For example
, one research article suggests that 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
entrepreneurs in the India lack of providing sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
due to the less financial sources and required equipments.
Overall
, proper resources and the cost of the implementation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
are neglecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to be familiar with the advanced ways of performing on the job.

In conclusion
, in this tech-savvy era globalization has brought an incredible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and these days most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
try to update their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with the latest technology that has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
by them and for this they provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and organize the group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and discussions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can involve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in this. As far I concerned, it is
totally
beneficial for the employers
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for the growth of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Parents today are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
498 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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