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More and more young children have mobile phone. Some people say it is a good thing for them, while others say it is a bad thing. What is your opinion? v.1

More and more young children have mobile phone. Some people say it is a good thing for them, while others say it is a bad thing. What is your opinion? v. 1
A lot of people are being shifted to urban areas from the rural part and turning their back towards farming, in order to look for another occupation to earn a better livelihood. Currently, the massive migration percentage has become a major issue that should be pondered about. Nowadays, most of the population is moving to the metro cities or towns and leaving their villages behind in search of a better living; good education, health care, and to enrich their standard of living. Even though it is true to some extent that it provides you an easier life style yet there are many struggles that comes with it, which includes the situation of population explosion meaning thereby is higher population density rate. In addition to that, the other problem that is common to witness in such scenario is of pollution followed by a rapid hike in the number of people falling sick and an immense increase in crime rates as well. In developing nations like India, where 51% of the population used to depend on agriculture, such cases are easily visible. Delhi, the capital-city of India, is now among one of the most polluted cities of the world and crime rate has increased by 15% in past 10 years. However, these problems can be reduced by facilitating people with technological education and by developing the village area in terms of providing better education, safety and health. India has taken initiative to fight against the migration issue by opening agricultural universities such as G. B. Pant University in the valley of Dehradun. To conclude, most people think that relocating to cities guarantees you a better job and uplifts your standard of living while on the contrary, it is a difficult task to survive in the city life if you are not prepared for dark side of it. In order to develop a nation and enjoy the perks of both worlds of rural as well as urban life, it is crucial to maintain a balance between both.
A lot of
people
are
being shifted
to urban areas from the rural part and turning their back towards farming, in order to look for another occupation to earn a
better
livelihood.
Currently
, the massive migration percentage has become a major issue that should
be pondered
about.

Nowadays, most of the
population
is moving to the metro
cities
or towns and leaving their villages behind in search of a
better
living;
good
education, health care, and to enrich their standard of living.
Even though
it is true to
some
extent that it provides you an easier life style
yet
there are
many
struggles that
comes
with it, which includes the situation of
population
explosion meaning thereby is higher
population
density rate.
In addition
to that, the other problem
that is
common to witness in such scenario is of pollution followed by a rapid hike in the number of
people
falling sick and an immense increase in crime rates
as well
. In developing nations like India, where 51% of the
population
used
to depend on agriculture, such cases are
easily
visible. Delhi, the capital-city of India, is
now
among one of the most polluted
cities
of the world and crime rate has increased by 15% in past 10 years.

However
, these problems can be
reduced
by facilitating
people
with technological education and by developing the village area in terms of providing
better
education, safety and health. India has taken initiative to fight against the migration issue by opening agricultural universities such as G. B. Pant University in the valley of Dehradun.

To conclude
, most
people
think
that relocating to
cities
guarantees you a
better
job and uplifts your standard of living while
on the contrary
, it is a difficult task to survive in the city life if you are not prepared for dark side of it. In order to develop a nation and enjoy the perks of both worlds of rural
as well as
urban life, it is crucial to maintain a balance between both.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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IELTS essay More and more young children have mobile phone. Some people say it is a good thing for them, while others say it is a bad thing. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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