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Tpo5. task2. It is more important to study history and literature than to study math and science. Agree or disagree? v.1

Tpo5. task2. It is more important to study history and literature than to study math and science. Agree or disagree? v. 1
These days, playing computer games has become a pastime for many children. They tend to spend a large amount of time on this activity rather than play sports. This trend is mainly attributed to the development of technology as well as overprotective parents. Personally, I strongly believe that paying attention exclusively to games has detrimental impacts on children’s lives. Firstly, there are two primary reasons leading to this phenomenon. With the advance technology, game companies are capable of transforming 2D games into virtual worlds. In other words, video games have become more engrossing and appealing to children. The second reason is that due to the pollution, parents barely allow their children to go out and participate in sports. With the fear of exposure to pollutants and toxic substances on the streets, they tend to let their kids stay indoors. As a result, young people have to play games as a means of entertainment. Secondly, spending too much time playing computer games is absolutely harmful to children. It is undeniable that they may suffer from short-sightedness and backache after a long time sitting in front of the computer screen. Additionally, game addiction can possibly distract them from studying as they could hardly find interest in learning, but playing games instead. Finally, the positive impacts of sports on people’s health is indisputable. Not only does doing exercise improve physical strength, but also mental health. While playing sports, children can strengthen their muscles as well as get fit. Moreover, playing sports in teams can help them relax and build a close relationship with their friends. In conclusion, a sedentary lifestyle with most of the time playing games and no time for sports is a consequence of the technological development and being protected too much. My view is that this trend definitely has negative effects on children.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has become a pastime for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They tend to spend a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on this activity
rather
than play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This trend is
mainly
attributed to the development of technology
as well
as overprotective parents.
Personally
, I
strongly
believe that paying attention exclusively to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has detrimental impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Firstly
, there are two primary reasons leading to this phenomenon. With the advance technology, game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are capable of transforming 2D
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
into virtual worlds.
In other words
, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become more engrossing and appealing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The second reason is that due to the pollution, parents
barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go out and participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. With the fear of exposure to pollutants and toxic substances on the streets, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their kids stay indoors.
As a result
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as a means of entertainment.

Secondly
, spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
absolutely
harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is undeniable that they may suffer from
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
and backache after a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sitting in front of the computer screen.
Additionally
, game addiction can
possibly
distract them from studying as they could hardly find interest in learning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
.
Finally
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health is indisputable. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does doing exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
physical strength,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mental health. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can strengthen their muscles
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fit.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in teams can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them relax and build a close relationship with their friends.

In conclusion
, a sedentary lifestyle with most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a consequence of the technological development and
being protected
too much. My view is that this trend definitely has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Tpo5. task2. It is more important to study history and literature than to study math and science. Agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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