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TPO25: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

TPO25: Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
The issue of whether nowadays young people make less contribution to their society aroused much controversy among people of different ages and different perspectives. Definitely, some people, if were asked, would agree with the statement that youngsters are not willing to help their communities, while others have a different attitude toward this point of view. As far as I am concerned, I postulate nobody could ignore the prominent role of the young generation in helping their community. In the following paragraph, I will shed light on the arguments to support my viewpoint. The first point to be mentioned is that young people are the first ones who volunteer in every important situation. If an emergency situation like natural disasters, flood or earthquake happen in the community, youth are ready to help their countryman in a tough moment because they are energetic and brave than elder people who are conservative due to their age and they do not want to put their life on the danger to save others. Therefore, in volunteering work, young people are the most members of the groups. How can we deny this contribution? In approaching this issue, apart from the reason that given above, another reason that deserves some words is that youngsters have creative thought and believes that can lead to creating a new idea and inventing some important things. For instance, many famous start-up businesses established by young people that provide many employment opportunities for their community. Moreover, if there is something wrong in the process of the project, employers usually ask their young workers to solve the problems because they know these people can open new avenues that were imagined impossible. Finally, in the modern world, the prominent factors for developing each country is advancing in technology and use technology to improve society in different fields. Without progress in technology, the community would be lagged from counterparts. Young people usually are interested to use technology because of their intrinsic curiosity. While older people prefer to accomplish their task by hand. As a result, they could not carry out their duties on time and accurately like juveniles. By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments that explored above, I am of the opinion that in today’s world young people contribute to their society by participating in volunteering work and their creative thought. Moreover, they can assist to develop their society by the knowledge and skills that they have possessed in technology.
The issue of whether nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
less contribution to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
aroused much controversy among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
perspectives. Definitely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, if
were asked
, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that youngsters are not willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
, while others have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
attitude toward this point of view. As far as I
am concerned
, I postulate nobody could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the prominent role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation in helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. In the following paragraph, I will shed light on the arguments to support my viewpoint.

The
first
point to
be mentioned
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the
first
ones who volunteer in every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
situation. If an emergency situation like natural disasters, flood or earthquake happen in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, youth are ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their countryman in a tough moment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are energetic and
Use "braver" to make a comparison with this adjective.
brave
than elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are conservative due to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
age and
they do not want to put their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to save others.
Therefore
, in volunteering work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the most members of the groups. How can we deny this contribution?

In approaching this issue, apart from the reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above, another reason that deserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words is that youngsters have creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and believes that can lead to creating a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and inventing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up businesses established by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employment opportunities for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
Moreover
, if there is something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in the process of the project, employers
usually
ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
workers to solve the problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can open new avenues that
were imagined
impossible.

Finally
, in the modern world, the prominent factors for developing each country is advancing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
fields. Without progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
would
be lagged
from counterparts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
are interested
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their intrinsic curiosity.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to accomplish their task by hand.
As a result
, they could not carry out their duties on time and
accurately
like juveniles.

By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments that explored above, I am of the opinion that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contribute to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by participating in volunteering work and their creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.
Moreover
, they can assist to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by the knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that they have possessed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay TPO25: Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
408 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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