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Do you agree or disagree with the statement that skill to relate well to people is more important rather than studying hard in school? v.2

that skill to relate well to people is more important rather than studying hard in school? v. 2
By and large, we are surrounded by a plethora of occupation these days. It stands to reason that any career which one chooses has a significant effect on their future. To explain, s/he can make a sought-after life and rectify their problems better. Consequently, one' s job plays a key role in his or her successful in one' s life. When it comes to this point, people have some debates as to what ability make people more successful in their career. One noteworthy point of view is that the skill to relate well to people is more important rather than studying hard in school. I disagree with this statement and in what follows, two reasons will be discussed to shed light on this idea. First and foremost, one can gain more efficient experiences. It is evident that nowadays, universities are full of professional professors who have a great view of experiences. Moreover, we are living in an era accessing easily to a variety of books, plenty of websites, and movies about some best experiences. Consequently, these facilities lead us not to reinvent the wheel; by that I mean one can utilize and learn their experience without self-trying, but In comparison, those who were not studying hard enough should pass a process of trial and error to discover what experience is the best. Take, for instance, an 18-year-old guy who has entered university recently. He is so diligent and if he tries so hard before getting graduated, he is able to aggregate a score of best experiences in his field. Therefore, after the graduation, not only can these experiences work as superiority over other competitors for a job, but also After taking that job, he can promote faster because his boss sees his potential and experience that other newcomers have not. The second noteworthy point to say about this idea that studying hard during school prompts one' s success in their future job is that they can make a better network in the businesses. These days, if professors do not have their own business, they have an efficient connection with some businesses. In light of trying hard in school, one becomes known among the faculty of the university. With these in mind, one can have a better relationship with their professors that this causes a good network with the businesses. To illustrate this, a research conducted by a bunch of Ph. D. students in the John Hopkins University reveals that if a professor wants to offer a high-value job opportunity, s/he would like to offer to a person that is known as a hard worker. This shows that if a person works hard in a school, he incidentally make a good network with the businesses via the professors. In short, the analysis of the aforementioned ideas brings us to the conclusion that by studying hard in a school, one becomes more successful in a job. This is because only does one gain more efficient experiences, but also it causes to make a good business network. Thus, we hope that the government tries to create an education system which persuades one to study hard in schools.
By and large, we
are surrounded
by a plethora of occupation these days. It stands to reason that any career which one chooses has a significant effect on their future. To
explain
, s/he can
make
a sought-after life and rectify their problems better.
Consequently
,
one&
#039; s
job
plays a key role in
his or her
successful in
one&
#039; s life. When it
comes
to this point,
people
have
some
debates as to what ability
make
people
more successful in their career. One noteworthy point of view is that the
skill
to relate well to
people
is
more
important
rather
than
studying
hard
in
school
. I disagree with this statement and in what follows, two reasons will
be discussed
to shed light on this
idea
.

First
and foremost, one can gain more efficient
experiences
. It is evident that nowadays,
universities
are full of professional
professors
who have a great view of
experiences
.
Moreover
, we are living in an era accessing
easily
to a variety of books,
plenty
of websites, and movies about
some
best
experiences
.
Consequently
, these facilities lead us not to reinvent the wheel; by that I mean one can utilize and learn their
experience
without self-trying,
but
In comparison
, those who were not
studying
hard
enough
should pass a process of trial and error to discover what
experience
is the best. Take,
for instance
, an 18-year-
old
guy who has entered
university
recently. He is
so
diligent and if he tries
so
hard
before
getting graduated, he is able to aggregate a score of best
experiences
in his field.
Therefore
, after the graduation, not
only
can these
experiences
work as superiority over other competitors for a
job
,
but
also
After taking that
job
, he can promote faster
because
his boss
sees
his potential and
experience
that other newcomers have not.

The second noteworthy point to say about this
idea
that
studying
hard
during
school
prompts
one&
#039; s success in their future
job
is that they can
make
a better
network
in the
businesses
. These days, if
professors
do not have their
own
business
, they have an efficient connection with
some
businesses
. In light of trying
hard
in
school
, one becomes known among the faculty of the
university
. With these in mind, one can have a better relationship with their
professors
that this causes a
good
network
with the
businesses
. To illustrate this,
a research
conducted by
a bunch of Ph
. D. students in the John Hopkins
University
reveals that if a
professor
wants to offer a high-value
job
opportunity, s/he would like to offer to a person that
is known
as a
hard
worker. This
shows
that if a person works
hard
in a
school
, he
incidentally
make
a
good
network
with the
businesses
via the professors.

In short, the analysis of the aforementioned
ideas
brings us to the conclusion that by
studying
hard
in a
school
, one becomes more successful in a
job
. This is
because
only
does one gain more efficient
experiences
,
but
also
it causes to
make
a
good
business
network
.
Thus
, we hope that the
government
tries to create an education system which persuades one to study
hard
in
schools
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay that skill to relate well to people is more important rather than studying hard in school? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
524 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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