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TPO23- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In today’s world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct. Use specific reasons and examples to support your v.1

TPO23- In today’s world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct. Use specific reasons and examples to support your v. 1
Science and technology are of great importance to humans, as well as music and art. While some are more interested in musicians and artists in the present-day, others show more importance to scientists and technology specialists. I strongly disagree that science and technology are more valued because I believe that people generate a better response towards music and art. In terms of music, people are able to relate to it on a subjective level, as they have favourite musicians whose songs can communicate exactly how they feel in particular situations. In addition, it is only logical to be attracted by delightful melodies and significant words. When someone is feeling low, they listen to a song with a nice rhythm and as a result they feel better. For example, I personally have a favourite boy band which I listen to whenever I'm in despair, and they always seem to be able to lift up my mood. With regards to art, time and money are spent by tourists to discover artworks all over the world. Tourism is a very diffuse phenomenon nowadays, as it feeds the curiosity that individuals have about other cultures' monuments and paintings. People who are passionate about the latter also attend displays, in which famous portraits are shown to the public. For instance, I've had a friend who purchased a fine illustration of an artist of the nineteenth century for a huge amount of money. In conclusion, music and art are of a greater importance in the current days, in opposition to science and technology, as people are willing to travel around the world to discover new worlds and they can aswell relate to an artist on a personal level.
Science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are of great importance to humans,
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and art. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are more interested in musicians and artists in the present-day, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more importance to scientists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
specialists. I
strongly
disagree that science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are more valued
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generate a better response towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and art.

In terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to relate to it on a subjective level, as they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
musicians whose songs can communicate exactly how they feel
in particular
situations.
In addition
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
logical to
be attracted
by delightful melodies and significant words. When someone is feeling low, they listen to a song with a nice rhythm and
as a result
they feel better.
For example
, I
personally
have a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
boy band which I listen to whenever I'm in despair, and they always seem to be able to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "lift".
lift up
my mood.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
art, time and money
are spent
by tourists to discover artworks all over the world. Tourism is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
diffuse phenomenon nowadays, as it feeds the curiosity that individuals have about other cultures' monuments and paintings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are passionate about the latter
also
attend displays, in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
portraits
are shown
to the public.
For instance
, I've had a friend who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
a fine illustration of an artist of the nineteenth century for a huge amount of money.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and art are of a greater importance in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
days, in opposition to science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to travel around the world to discover new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
worlds and
they can
Possible spelling mistake found.
aswell
relate to an artist on a personal level.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay TPO23- In today’s world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct. Use specific reasons and examples to support your v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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