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Development in technology has brought various environmental problems. Some believe that people need to live to solve environmental problems. Others, however, believe technology is the way to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opini v.3

Development in technology has brought various environmental problems. Some believe that people need to live to solve environmental problems. Others, however, believe technology is the way to solve these problems. 3
The popularity of video games among the minors haves dramatically increased since last two decades. Consequently, a myriad of people are concerned about their offspring. This essay will discuss the potential issues caused by these games to the children as well as the society in the bigger picture and will further propose some measures to alleviate the situation. Modern digital games are very addictive and children often get completely engrossed in them. Owing to this, pupils neglect their studies and a lot of their crucial time is wasted which negatively impact their academic performance at school. Secondly, as choices of children are changing, they prefer to play video games over outdoor activities due to which many of them have turned into couch potatoes. As juveniles are not doing any physical activities, issues such as obesity and unhealthy lifestyles have become very common these days. A recent research conducted by Cambridge University, testified that children who prefer indoor games than outdoor games, lack cognitive abilities and their growth is also slow. As most of these games involves fights and violence, it has an atrocious influence on a child's mind. Hence, he always has a potential to grow violent and ultimately, a bad citizen for the society. Additionally, many children show disobedience towards their parents when asked to not play these games and this becomes the starting point of disobeying and disrespecting them, which might continue in future as well which is not good for the overall society. To ameliorate the situation, children should be encouraged to be involved in some outdoor or co-curricular activity such as dance, drama, art or any sport. This would not only help them be constructive, but will also them sharpen their intellectual mind. Furthermore, a government funded awareness camp should be arranged for both parents and minors to make them understand the ill effects of these video games. Thirdly board games should be advertised and promoted more than these digital games as it helps in improving concentration and learn new things. In conclusion, as the involvement of children in video games is increasing day by day, its detrimental effects over them and society are also growing. Hence, to improve the situation, some transitions are required from parents, schools and government to reduce the use of these games.
The popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among the minors haves
dramatically
increased since last two decades.
Consequently
, a myriad of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are concerned
about their offspring. This essay will discuss the potential issues caused by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
as the society in the bigger picture and will
further
propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to alleviate the situation.

Modern digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addictive and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
completely engrossed in them. Owing to this, pupils neglect their studies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their crucial time
is wasted
which
negatively
impact their academic performance at school.
Secondly
, as choices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are changing, they prefer to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
over outdoor activities due to which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them have turned into couch potatoes. As juveniles are not doing any physical activities, issues such as obesity and unhealthy lifestyles have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common these days. A recent research conducted by Cambridge University, testified that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who prefer indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, lack cognitive abilities and their growth is
also
slow.

As most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
involves fights and violence, it has an atrocious influence on a child's mind.
Hence
, he always has a potential to grow violent and
ultimately
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
citizen for the society.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
disobedience towards their parents when
This is a collocation error. You do not need a preposition after 'asked'. Remove it: "asked".
asked to
not play these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and this becomes the starting point of disobeying and disrespecting them, which might continue in future
as well
which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
overall
society.

To ameliorate the situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to
be involved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outdoor or co-curricular activity such as dance, drama, art or any sport. This would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them be constructive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
them sharpen their intellectual mind.
Furthermore
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funded awareness camp should
be arranged
for both parents and minors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand the ill effects of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Thirdly
board
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be advertised
and promoted more than these digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in improving concentration and learn new things.

In conclusion
, as the involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is increasing day by day, its detrimental effects over them and society are
also
growing.
Hence
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
transitions
are required
from parents, schools and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Development in technology has brought various environmental problems. Some believe that people need to live to solve environmental problems. Others, however, believe technology is the way to solve these problems. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
381 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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