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TOPIC # 48 People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? v.2

TOPIC # 48 People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? v. 2
There is an old English adage that people who have no work or are idle get into trouble. Work has many benefits for man which one of them is financial profits, although it is often the first reason for the majority of people to work. I personally think many people work to enjoy, to gain a social prestige, and to learn some skills. First, work can be joyful for those who work in their favorite fields. To follow their interests and their heart is the first priority for them rather than earning money. For example, many musicians are so drawn to their notes, instruments, and performances that many hours of working pass like a minute for them because they really enjoy their work. They perform their task sincerely and readily. Second, social prestige is so significant for some people. One of the first questions that people ask each other when they meet for the first time is “what is your job? ”, and they somehow judge each other by the answer to this question. For instance, the treatment given to a manger of a well-known corporation considerably differs from the one given to a blue-collar worker. This is why some persons tend to brag about their jobs and positions so that they can improve their social respect and also self-respect. In addition, mankind needs to feel that he is important, his existence is necessary in some places, and he can successfully fulfill a task as well. Third, gaining experience and acquiring new skills might be logical reasons for working. At the work place, communicating with different colleagues, gaining further up-to-date information, and implementing our knowledge can be rewarding, and also crucial for some individuals. These experiences can be the main source of wisdom for us to climb up the ladder. To sum it up, I think apart from having an income, following personal interests, gaining better social position in the community, and practical knowledge motivate people to work harder and get ahead in their life.
There is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
English adage that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or are idle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into trouble.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
which one of them is financial profits, although it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
reason for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to enjoy, to gain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
prestige, and to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can be joyful for those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their favorite fields. To follow their interests and their heart is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
priority for them
rather
than earning money.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
musicians are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
drawn to their notes, instruments, and performances that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours of working pass like a minute for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
really
enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They perform their task
sincerely
and
readily
.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
prestige is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
significant for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
questions that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ask each other when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
time is “what is your job? ”, and they somehow judge each other by the answer to this question.
For instance
, the treatment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to a manger of a well-known corporation
considerably
differs from the one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to a blue-collar worker. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
persons tend to brag about their jobs and positions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
respect and
also
self-respect.
In addition
, mankind needs to feel that he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, his existence is necessary in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places, and he can
successfully
fulfill a task
as well
.

Third, gaining experience and acquiring new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
might be logical reasons for working. At the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place, communicating with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
colleagues, gaining
further
up-to-date information, and implementing our knowledge can be rewarding, and
also
crucial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals. These experiences can be the main source of wisdom for us to climb up the ladder.

To sum it up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
apart from having an income, following personal interests, gaining better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
position in the community, and practical knowledge motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ahead in their life.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay TOPIC # 48 People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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