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Some people think that all children should learn geography in school. However, some others think that it is more important to learn subjects that are more relevant to life. What is your opinion? v.4

Some people think that all children should learn geography in school. However, some others think that it is more important to learn subjects that are more relevant to life. What is your opinion? v. 4
Some would argue that young children should be allowed to choose their school subjects, while others say that schools should teach traditional subjects. While letting them choose the coursework will help them to choose a career, I believe young minds have not developed enough to make important decisions. Let us analyse both the given viewpoints in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, studying selected subjects will assist the student in building their career at a young age. To elaborate, with the help of selected subjects the child will be able to focus on the area of interest and will develop skills easily. Moreover, this will also prepare a young mind for a competitive world. To cite an example, Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft said in one of his interviews that he was interested in computers from a young age, and started building video games from high school itself. On the other hand, young minds are not fully developed to take important decisions in life. Children under age 10 usually get influenced easily from their loved ones and try to be like one. During this period, they develop a temporary interest in the things, they are not good at. Hence, in the growing age their area of interest changes frequently. To substantiate, Priyanka Chopra, former Miss World and famous artist, revealed that she wanted to be an engineer. In my opinion, I believe so because due to the lack of fundamental knowledge about the traditional subjects make may make their adulthood difficult. To exemplify, every individual needs basic knowledge of mathematics for survival. To encapsulate, it can be concluded that choosing their subjects will help the children in building a better career, whereas traditional subjects will act as building blocks for their personal growth and in the development of their standard of living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to choose their school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, while others say that schools should teach traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. While letting them choose the coursework will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to choose a career, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds have not developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
viewpoints in the subsequent paragraphs.

On the one hand, studying selected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will assist the student in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
their career at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. To elaborate, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of selected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
the child will be able to focus on the area of interest and will develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
easily
.
Moreover
, this will
also
prepare a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
mind for a competitive world. To cite an example, Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft said in one of his interviews that he
was interested
in computers from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
video games from high school itself.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds are not
fully
developed to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions in life. Children under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
10
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced
easily
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and try to be like one. During this period, they develop a temporary interest in the things, they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at.
Hence
, in the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
their area of interest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
frequently
. To substantiate, Priyanka Chopra, former Miss World and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
artist, revealed that she wanted to be an engineer.

In my opinion, I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
due to the lack of fundamental knowledge about the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their adulthood difficult. To exemplify, every individual needs basic knowledge of mathematics for survival.

To encapsulate, it can
be concluded
that choosing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the children in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
a better career, whereas traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will act as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
blocks for their personal growth and in the development of their standard of living.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that all children should learn geography in school. However, some others think that it is more important to learn subjects that are more relevant to life. What is your opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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